Does it mean, by saying that the one character I find so like me a Byronic hero, that I am one myself?

Is it why I avoided going to Newstead Abbey? I’ve been curious.

Still, calling myself a “hero” is laughable.

Nonetheless, I am the main character of the story of my life, no?

I ask you; should I continue reading the story even if I feel like I am tearing myself inside out but possibly might understand myself better through the said character? Or should I try to ignore it and pretend that I never read the book; even burning the copy of the book that I have?

What would you do if you were in the same position?

Foucault

I am feeling extremely lazy today; what with the fiasco with the getting out of the parking lot.

My mother is having guests tomorrow. No surprises that they would be economists. Sigh. New bunch of people at that. I wish I knew fewer economists and more sociologists; what they specialize on is much nearer to my interest.

So I’m baking right now; I have to prepare the dessert. Tiramisu is the winning dessert.

Brought down my laptop to the kitchen because, as usual, I hate the sound of silence. And I felt like annoying the dogs next door. Am listening to the highest pitch songs I have. I hate dogs. Urgh.

The internet connection sucks at the kitchen though. So I am typing this on a Words document.

I felt like reading. And since I read all the rest of the ebooks I have on my laptop, I thought, fine, why not I read Midnight Sun then? The indefinitely postponed Edward Cullen’s point of view of the Twilight fiasco by Stephenie Meyer.

That was the plan anyway.

In the third paragraph, he went, “Or was purgatory the right word?” He was thinking of high school.

And that was the last sentence I read. I decided, to hell with the sponge fingers, I am going to Google Foucault. The sociologist who wrote Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison. Prison could be seen as a type of purgatory, yes?

I am sure the me of my last semester in uni would have been surprised of the me now. Foucault? Are you insane? His theories drove you insane, not to mention the waffling of your hippy lecturer about him.

The me now is just trying to grasp on just about anything that reminds me of wonderful times, even if I didn’t consider it wonderful at that time.

Now, I’m just regretting the fact that I didn’t read properly about him. Pretty fascinating, I have to say. Still, I suppose it is not really my cup of tea. Or should I say coffee? Brewed coffee please, thank you.

God, I love brewed coffee. Glad I finally got myself a coffee press. Ahhh…

And between a sociologist who specializes in Foucault’s area and an economist… Give me the latter anytime, thank you very much.

Still, I miss the original Nessie of my life.

No, not the Loch Ness monster, but pretty close.

They’re both Scottish. And with the most adorable accent. Hahaha.

Ahhh… THEFT!!

Hatred

Nina, you’re going to be offended by this post as well; let me warn you before hand.

I thought that I will only hate one silver car; mine. For the sole reason that I am too lazy to wash the bloody thing. Sadly, since I am not working yet, my mother uses the car and she has some complex of wanting the car clean all the time. However, she insists that I should do the washing since it is mine and she’s just “borrowing” it.

Today, I hate another silver car.

Specifically, a silver Volvo.

I hate Volvos generally. I don’t get their need to make their car so long.

I especially hate those old models; those with bumpers as long as 5 inches. Seriously, it just makes it so goddamn long!!

I had to parallel park when we did our grocery shopping. My mother decided, why not make me drive this time. She’s tired and I need to practice.

Fine by me. With my new chant, I can do anything with a car.

Boosts my confidence by truckloads.

When I parked, it was reasonably spaced. I could go in and out comfortably with that space. And I made sure I was in the middle of the box. My mother’s quite OCD on those kind of things.

However, when we got back, this idiotic silver Volvo parked in front of us, with its stupid bumper and rear end getting inside our box, making it ridiculously tight for me to come out.

And my mother said I should be able to come out since I parked better and faster than she did.

Whaaaaaaaaaaattttt????

She has been driving even longer than I have been alive!! And she’s asking me to get us out from that tighthole???

She used her typical reason to make me drive; “you need to learn how to do it one day anyway.”

Urgh.

Now, I declare that I freaking hate all silver Volvos. Heck, all Volvo for that matter. No way will I enter one anymore. I rather walk!!

Gahh!!

Took me almost 10 minutes of maneuvering to get us out. And my mother just sat next to me, laughing.

I never laughed at her when she was struggling to drive!!

How cruel!!

Nina

Dear Nina,

I am responding to your comment; I don’t feel like putting another comment underneath yours. It just contribute hits for that particular entry for no reason.

You used past tense; move on la wei. And join me with hating the silver color on cars. Muahaha.

And I am changing the name of my blog. Immediately after publishing this post, actually. I just named one of my sheep with a name that starts with a C, finally. Haha. Cailean, pronounced ka-len. Male Scottish name; because the sheep wears a kilt and a hat. Hahaha. And I got it in Scotland

How’s Vienna? Been some times since I talked to you. I’ll write on your wall on fb or something some time soon

xoxo

PS: This comment was on my post about my frustration with the color silver of my car.

Rational

My mother’s students used to find thoroughly amusing that their tutor’s child seem to be the exception to most economic theory.

Let me explain that; it makes it sound that I am an economic being instead of a biological being.

It really is to how I would approach something. If all “rational consumers” act the way I do… The economic theory would fail. I am the exact opposite of a rational consumer.

The most frequent occurence is how I respond to advertisements; ceteris paribus, when the supplier increases advertisement, I reduce consumption instead of increasing it.

Why?

Because if I lower my consumption/ demand for it, they would have less revenue. Less revenue would mean they have less money to pay for advertisements.

That’s an example of how my twisted mind thinks. I’m too lazy to give others. Haha.

However, I realize that there is now an exception.

That is of the MacBook.

The more frequent I see the damned thing in a movie, the more I want it.

The last movie being in Twilight, where Bella uses this really slick black MacBook.

I waaaaaaaannnnnntttttt!!!

Doesn’t help that my screen is being an idiot right now. Hrmph.

Book vs movie

Spoiler warning: Don’t continue reading if you want to watch the movie Twilight without knowing the plot because I might talk about some of the plots and the plot “limitations”.

I felt like I was the only one that didn’t compare the movie to the book in the theater just now.

I did see an interview with Catherine Hardwicke stating that she wanted to be as faithful to Stephenie Meyer’s work as possible.

And man, did she did that alright. I don’t think there’s another movie that followed the book as faithful as Twilight did. Most of the things said were verbatim; lifted straight from the book word for word. It makes you think, man, being a screenwriter of an adapted movie must be really easy. Nonetheless, she did a bad job, I think.

The movie was full with giggling girls. And the camp Edward and camp Jacob were there… Though camp Edward was either more vocal or had more followings. When I was reading the review, I really, honestly, didn’t expect there will be shouting to the screen of “I love you Edward Cullen!!”, “OMG Edward!!”, etc etc… I don’t know. Malaysians seem to be on the boring side.

However, they surprised me during this movie. Never have I watched a movie with soooo many people whispering!! And almost everyone were girls; not surprisingly. The guys looked like frustrated boyfriends being dragged by their girlfriend. If I were them, I wouldn’t really want to go watch such movie. I mean, your girlfriend sighing over some other guy? Ergh. Some masochist you must be!!

And most of the whispering consisted of “eh but that wasn’t in the movie” and “yeah! It went like that!” and “noo!! Where got!!” and so on and so forth.

Seriously?

Shush!!

Keep quiet and just enjoy the movie!!

I, of course, laughed at the scenes which Evil Iguana Spoofed. I was also eating a Hershey’s bar when they were playing baseball; about the time the three other vampires appeared.

I also teared when it was raining or drizzled, which was often since Forks was said to be the wettest part in Continental America. It made me miss UK so very bad.

Anyway, so yeah, most of my fellow watcher read the book, and they enjoyed it, I am very sure of that. There was a loud applause at the end; something you would expect during a musical, not a movie. You know, when the cast comes out and bow at the audience? Yeah, they did that.

I sat beside a lady who have not read the book. I realized it halfway through the movie when she whispered “why?” a bit too often, which lead me to whisper to her if she has read the book. The answer was no, she haven’t, but she will get it after the movie.

And she wasn’t the only one. Before the movie, I went to MPH to look for Cornelia Funke’s Inkworld trilogy books, and saw that the Twilight books were overflowing the shelves. I went back, feeling the need to spend money (I’ll probably explain why later), and saw that at least one quarter of the Twilight books were gone. Either the people decided to buy the book and read it immediately after watching the movie or those that watched the movie with me (it was the first screening at GSC 1Utama) that didn’t understand and haven’t read the book wanted explanation.

It is not surprising.

I suppose people might not believe me when I say what I will say, considering I’ve read so many reviews. However, I have to agree with the reviewers, and it is proven by the lady that sat next to me. You would wonder how in the world Bella came to the conclusion that she has fallen “unconditionally and irrevocably in love” with Edward. He talked to her in class, saved her twice, rejected her invitation to go to La Push (though we also know why thanks to Jacob Black) and went on a date with her after saving her the second time, where he explained somewhat that he’s a vampire and wants her blood and can’t read her mind even though he could others… and she falls in love with him.

Let me just say that although I somewhat prefer the Bella the way that Kristen Stewart and the screenwriter decided to portray her because I found her (okay more like Meyer’s) flowery words in describing Edward annoying, those annoying flowery words, I realize now, were quite important in explaining how she came to such conclusion. Bella/Stewart is a no nonsense type, no frills whatsoever. Quite surprising that she “falls in love”, using the phrase loosely.

The movie really made it more obvious how shallow Bella was for falling in love with Edward, what with reaching the conclussion before knowing him.

And with her pouncing on Edward (which the Malaysian censorship board thought it necessary to cut even though the movie was already classified for 18PL, to which I will ramble about later)…

Just confirms that she’s just a very very horny teenage girl, having a strong desire to mate with the most “perfect” guy she knows. And even after that pouncing episode… I don’t know. It makes me feel like taking back those criticizing things that I said about the flowery dialogue that Meyer employed; without it, you wonder if she is in love with the guy. It’s like it’s just words; she’s trying to convince herself, yeah, she loves this guy.

I don’t know… It somehow felt like she just wanted to fuck the guy (pardon my French), and after the deed is done, she wouldn’t even look back and forget that Edward Cullen ever entered her life.

And from Edward’s actions… he would be the heartbroken one; the kicked puppy.

And combined with the soundtrack… Don’t get me wrong. I love the soundtrack. It may suit the story and all… but the angry lyrics of most of the songs… it intensified the feeling that Bella’s frustrated that Edward wouldn’t sleep with her. Though Carter Burwell’s score did save the situation somewhat. OMG I love the score, too!! Hahaha. Bella’s Lullaby really is beautiful; to me anyway.

And Wyoming still popped into my head when Never Think played (during the “date”). Seriously!!!

Oh, I don’t know. Even though when you watch the movie, it does follow the book, the feeling of it is not the same. It doesn’t make you curious as to why it’s so popular; it’s the obsessive love that Bella feels for Edward. However, having strip that off for the movie… there’s not much of the spirit of the book in it.

From the discussion after the movie, I could actually tell which one of them haven’t read the book. The satisfied ones were the one that have read the book and are happy at the way it has come to life; they could fill in the blanks that were left out by the screenplayer (so unworthy that I am not going to bother search for her name; and I no longer think it fit to complain about the actor when it comes to the potrayal of a person after my pondering about Cedric Diggory’s portrayal in Harry Potter 4. Warner Brothers are just so obsessive about making Harry the good guy all the way that they made Diggory utterly obnoxious. Bleargh), thanks to their knowledge of the book.

If I were to consider whether to watch the next movie based on the movie like a “rational” person who hasn’t read the book and can’t be bothered to read it, I wouldn’t watch the movie.

However, as I am not a rational person, I would want to watch the movie to see how bad the adaptation will be; if they decide to continue with Bella’s current personality. Man… As it is Bella is such a vacuous character… and stripping the personality that is so essentially Bella Swan, ie her obsession with Edward, just seemed too much for me, even though yes, I do find it annoying.

I don’t know. I suppose I’m sending mixed messages here. I am annoyed with myself; I’m not being consistent. Whether I want Bella to be flowery, or whether I don’t want her to be.

Watching the movie and seeing the character being stripped, I have to admit, annoying as it is, Bella is much better off with her obsession. For the sake of storyline anyway. I still don’t particularly like the book; I just read because it was recommended by amazon.co.uk and I trust its recommendation; for some reason it never disappointed me. I wouldn’t really go as far as it did disappoint me though. And I will read the whole series because, 1. I am “researching” as to how popular writers write, and 2. I am pretty positive that Stephenie Meyer’s a Republican and–though I’m not too sure on this part–she’s trying to lure teenage girls into Republicanism and pro-life views. I know, I should be some conspirational theorist. Like a friend said, only I could come up with some pro-life forwarding agenda in fiction novel.

Maybe I should do some PhD thesis on hidden political agenda of fiction authors. The books I would pick would be Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga and CS Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia. I think that should be enough, yes? One anti-religion, one pro-religion and one… pro-life, I think.

Oh, one scene in the movie reminded me of a bit of a hanging theme in the book; when Bella, Jessica and Angela went shopping at Port Angeles… When Bella got accosted by the guys (which from the cast list I discovered were frat boys), those… Apart from the fact that Edward was disturbed by their thoughts… I don’t know. In my mind I tried to connect them with James and Company (the vampires that hunted Bella) so as to make their appearance in the book more sensical instead of just appearing out of no where. However, I suppose they wanted to gang rape Bella instead, since the movie tried to make them appear gradually instead of something that she quickly inserts to make the story more interesting (as most reviews of the book took note that the story only got more interesting in the last 170 pages [give and take] of the book).

Let me make it clear again that I did not compare the movie with the book in the theater; then I just allow the book to fill in the blanks when it was unclear. I don’t compare the book while I watch the movie; I try to enjoy the movie as much as I could. I do the comparing later; in the case of Twilight, now. As a whole, I find the movie disappointing because it doesn’t explain Bella well; then I bring in the reason why and then I commented about how the book makes more sense and that Hardwicke didn’t really succeed (in my opinion) to follow Meyer’s plotline due to the stripping of one of Bella’s very few personalities. And then I started talking crap.

By the way, I thought that it was pretty obvious from the ending that they are continuing with the sequel, I think. With Victoria looking angry after spying on Edward and Bella necking. Makes me wonder why they went through the pretense otherwise, stating, oh, only if they make x amount from the movie. She had that look that someone has that wants to get revenge for her lover.

Oh, I needed to spend money to calm myself down somewhat. Amni, don’t take it as if I’m betraying our hatred pact; I still don’t like him personally. Haha. As if we actually know the guy personally like that.

Robert Pattinson did a good job portraying Edward. As I’ve mentioned before in a previous post that I am too lazy to link here, I found it disturbing how Edward reminded me of myself. As the lady that sat next to me said when the lights went up, I looked as if I just saw a ghost.

In a way, I did; I was watching a movie with vampires, after all. And I checked the wiki article for “undead”, it included ghosts too.

I still feel disturbed, even though I got myself a CD and 2 pairs of shoes…

Slipped my mind; Edward’s personality. I was concentrating too much on Pattinson, I think. Bleurgh.

My feelings were too raw, I suppose; less than 24 hours since I saw my psychiatrist after 10 weeks of absence. Good thing it wasn’t on the same day though.

There were times, I actually felt like walking out of the theater.

Sigh.

New Moon, World Economy and Medical Advice

As I was sitting in the LRT (Light Rail Transit; something like the Subway or the Tube, but above the ground. Not trams though. Hmmm; like the Singaporean MRT), reading Life of Pi, a Malaysian chav boy sat next to me. Not a rempit though; more like a hiphop wannabe. Like chavs, but hotter climate edition. For the life of me I can’t remember how was his appearance anymore.

He was reading a book.

Alright, no big deal. I was reading one, too.

Then I decided I wanted to know what book he was reading.

He was reading Twilight.

Somehow it didn’t fit the picture. I mean, anyone who has read the book would agree it is pretty much a girly book, with Bella Swan telling you how it goes and so on and so forth. I would imagine guys would role their eyes till they would permanently stay at the back of their heads every time they read how Edward makes Bella faint and what nots.

And this “manly” boy was reading a girly book?

Doesn’t help that he is Malay.

Probably he was trying to improve his English?

But to read Twilight???

Apart from the fact that there are characters who are vampires, the book truly is actually a love story. If Edward wasn’t a vampire and just a “normal” teenage boy (who practices celibacy), it would just be your typical teen love story.

Oh well.

Went to KLCC; that’s why I was on the LRT. Dropped by Kinokuniya and to discover that they only have one copy of Seeker left, and I grabbed it. Ahh… so relieved that I have the whole set of Sweep series by Cate Tiernan. Hunter… Heheheh

And I discovered that they, too, were out of New Moon. Oh, I was at 1Utama to watch Madagascar 2 (which was sooooo cute!!! Hahaha) and went to MPH, wanting to buy the rest of the Twilight Saga.

What are they up to now?

Are they planning to increase the price, what with USD is appreciating like mad? So they keep the books? And what with the confirmation that New Moon would turn into a movie…

And with the world economy going nuts and people not trusting Euros yet so they revert back to USD, and with Obama going to be the President, people would trust the US economy more…

Yeah, I must be the only crazy nutcase who reads about the world economic situation and what not to decide on when to buy a book.

Yes, that is actually the reason why I want to buy the book now. Not so much as to know how bad the morality of the book is, because that could wait; the book wouldn’t change its story anyway.

However, the USD is going up up up, and since the Twilight Saga books in Malaysia come from the US…

Okay, I admit I am crazy. Maybe it’s just coincidental.

However, I would absolutely flip if when I see New Moon on the shelves again, it costs more tham RM40. Yes I would. And I would scold myself and say “I told you so!!” over and over.

Arrggghhhh!! I knew when Obama won, I should have bought the rest of the series. Grrr…

And I will be waiting till GBP (British Pounds) go down to at least RM5 and wait till the price of Harry Potter reduce.

Muahaha.

Yes, I live my life pretty much by observing economic rules. I am comfortable with them, even though I am usually going against the theories when it comes to something of a choice; I am not your “rational” consumer. For example, when someone increases advertising, I have the tendency to stop consuming the said good (ceteris paribus, of course; everything remaining equal, especially the price). Advertisements annoy me. So by reducing the consumption of the good, they have less money to spend on advertising.

A rationale that make sense, no?

Okay fine, it does to me anyway.

Exchange rate, on the other hand, is beyond my control. So I follow it and let my life be bothered by it.

I still keep track of the exchange rate between GBP and MYR just for fun.

I’m comfortable with economics; just not in a professional life. In my private life, fine.

I just don’t want to live under my mother’s shadow. And I know I’m not strong enough to do that, at least in Economics.

I mean, she has officially retired when I was to start my University course. It’ll be suicide!! Too many of them know me as her daughter; there wouldn’t be a chance for me to be judge according to my own.

I don’t blame them one bit; it is human nature to judge someone from another person they’re related to.

It nonetheless bothers me, and since there are ways to avoid it, I should use it.

And I found another calling that I am passionate of; human rights.

I don’t get why my friends that do human rights find it weird that I am comfortable, and even like, economics when I am interested in human rights. They find it bizzare. They think only conservatives should like economics. And as might be picked up from my blog, I am definitely not a conservative. I’m not a liberal either, but I am very sure of not being a Tory.

I find it consistent though. I’m a pro-choice supporter. In economics, consumer is king regardless of what Adam Smith say about the invisible hand. In a perfect market, there’s perfect information for consumers to make the right choice. And I would like to think that rational choices take into account their situation as well. And unlimited supply; up to the consumer to pick and choose which supplier they want ladida.

With pro-choice, you let the person in question decide on the given facts, no? Not like pro-life supporters who would like to shove their moralities down people’s throat and not wanting to explain why very much except by saying “murder is wrong because God said so”.

I’m sorry, but I believe that when God says so, He also explains why it is so.

Economics are a part of everyone’s life. Just read books such as Freakonomics, The Undercover Economist and such; you can see how economic theory could explain almost everything about life. I think no other subject could boast such a thing.

And it is no surprise that I am comfortable with it. I’ve been studying it even during my gestation period; my mother was doing her PhD at that time. And when I finally studied it formally, it was like breathing; it came naturally.

Nonetheless, I worked my ass off to get the bloody A for my A-levels paper. What I meant was understanding the theories. Some find the ceteris paribus and the “unrealistic” expectation to be able to only adjust one variable when in real life it is impossible that only one variable to be the only thing that doesn’t change. It needs a lot of imagination, I suppose. Unlike in science, where the manipulated variable could be the only thing changed. How do you control the thoughts of so many people, the subject in economics, anyway?

That’s why every economic theory has assumptions; because it is impossible to achieve that in real life, unlike in science.

Anyway, the world economy suck right now, as I’ve mentioned You should know that unless you live under a coconut shell. And yes, it does affect me, even if it is a bit different from how it affects others.

I’m a fresh graduate and I am unemployed. People are laying off their workers by the thousands and people are not letting go of what little money they have unless they have to (or so the rational person would do anyway).

I don’t have savings since I never worked in my life–or at least, earned anything anyway. My medical condition is crap, and you need money for medical treatments; medication, therapy, you name it. Even seeing a doctor costs money. My mother’s “employer” no longer pays for me as I have turned 21.

So I should work to earn money. And I should make sure I secure a job before things deteriorate further.

However, my psychiatrist (I saw her today after a 10 week gap) said I shouldn’t bother myself with a job just yet.

She knows my mother is still working; I myself told her, so it is not really about my connections. I don’t really think she knows much from the other psychiatrist (whom I know in real life) whom referred me to her.

Sucks really, that she knows so much. Still… I asked what she thought about it and she thinks it is best for me to not work just yet and continue how I am; reading more and more books.

I told her I’m trying to get back the creativity I believe I lost while doing my LL.B. She thought I am using my time well.

Sadly, my mother does not agree with her. She thinks it is a waste of time, especially to read fiction, which is what I tend to read. And she thinks it is the most ridiculous advice ever to tell a young adult not to read the newspaper, which was what my GP in England told me to do.

My psychiatrist, on the other hand, thought that it was a sound medical advice.

When you read the newspaper, do you realize that what is reported is usually the bad things? You don’t hear that the government has done well and what not.

Sometimes I think that the only time there’s good news is because it comes with a bad news.

Obama winning meant McCain losing; so it is worthy of being in the news.

Of course, this is a very simplistic view. Of course there are articles which are informative.

Still, the bigger chunk of the articles are sad news.

I don’t know whether I should follow her advice; she didn’t say it but what could she do if I didn’t follow it anyway? However, I also remember that the last time I refuse to follow medical advice, I ended up failing my Trust exams and it will remain with me for the rest of my life.

Oh well.

To look on the bright side… I had a fascinating “lecture” on Freudian terminologies! Id, superego and ego.

In my mind, when she was explaining “superego”, I saw a superhero with a massive ego that would end up destroying him. Hahaha.

PS: Just for the heck of it, the pattern on Alex the Lion’s palm is exactly the shape of Africa, Madagascar included. Hahaha. So cute!!

PPS: On another happy note, I am glad that I started my pain medication in England. My psychiatrist suspects which drug my surgeon thought would be best for me, and it includes taking my blood every other month to check on things. Bleurgh. So often!! My poor blood in weird conditions. And worst, in a vial.

Oh fine, I don’t get very disturbed when I see blood when I accidentally cut myself. I just find it disturbing when it is where it is not supposed to be, like on a slide and in a vial. Though sometimes I get disturbed when it is on a gauze or the plaster, but rarely on sanitary pads. Heck, that must be ridiculous to not get used to!! Though sometimes, in my mind, menses are not blood but… cells with blood in between. Like… bloody mucus. Ladida

Silver

The idea of getting a bloody silver car is so that I would have to wash the car less often.

However, like I expected, it is bloody easy to see the dirt over the silver paint!!

I knew it!! I knew it should have been bloody gray.

Arrggghhhhh!!!

I fucking hate silver cars. Hate hate hate hate hate it!!

Bunch of liars. Hrmph.

Lame

When you thought that no one could beat my lameness…

Please read this article. It’s on how the movie Twilight is better than the book.

Let me draw your attention to the 3rd reason:

“In the movie, vampires make an unnecessary but awesome whooshing sound when they jump around.”

WTH???

That’s like Precious Life complaining how the Abortion guideline doesn’t use the word “baby” in their report.

Ahem; it’s because they use actual medical terms you stupid doofus!!

And please look at this picture here.

Argh!! It’s so annoying I can’t post the picture. So please look at the link.

It’s a picture of one of the scenes where Edward piggybags Bella.

What I want you to do is look at Pattinson’s right arm… Above the watch…

Don’t you think it looks darker than the rest of his exposed skin? Like they forgot to put make up there?

Hehehehe.

Necrophiliac

Oh it’s another post about Twilight. So shoot me.

Man, I haven’t felt this… whatever this feeling is, for any book. I don’t know how to describe it.

I definitely don’t love the book; however, saying I hate the book is a bit too much as well.

Maybe it’s because I read the book so near to when the movie came out. And the big hoo haa about it.

I find the book shallow and the only reason I want to watch it is to annoy the hell out of my friends in the UK who would only get to watch it (baring them streaming it online, that is) on December the 19th. And I’m not so worried if the movie sucks because I’m in Malaysia; there’s always sucky but ridiculously amusing subtitles to fall back to.

Which is why I do enjoy going to the movies when I’m in Malaysia. Added to the fact that I have a student ID and will forever and ever use the damn ID till I start getting wrinkles. Heck, even then I might still use. Hahahaha.

I’m such a cheapskate.

Anyway, so, the movie opens today in the US.

People have watched the screenings.

So happily, I went on reading about the reviews.

I read it yesterday, by the way. And only saved this link because I love the bitchiness. It’s Roger Ebert’s view on the movie. A must read for the review of the movie, I think.

Most of the reviews that I read said that Catherine Hardwicke (the director) did quite a bad job sketching the book into the movie. Not in those words, but they’re hitting those notes. Ah well. Not my field there… I’m just utterly disappointed that Rosalie Hale (supposedly the most beautiful person) was played by Nikki Reed. Fine, Reed is pretty, but not in a pale and blond way, you know? She looks much better tanned and as a brunette. And a lot of them say that if you haven’t read the book, you’ll be pretty much clueless as to why things happen the way it did. So Bella’s obsessive writing do come handy in understanding the movie then.

I think I made it clear that I found the book shallow; with Bella having no character and her love for Edward is more due to his looks than anything else. I mean, she was positively sure that she was in love with him before they did much of their communications. The quote behind the book was on page 195 and the book is just 2 pages short of being 500 pages. (The pages are more for the benefit of people who are too stupid to check on amazon.com and googled it instead and stumbled upon my blog.) Fine, by then he has saved her life twice, talked to her and somewhat confirmed that he was a vampire.

Still, that is not enough to constitute much communication that would warrant you to fall in love with a person, right? Barring love at first sight (which I always found a bit weird since they usually only involve good looking people), which I suspect didn’t really happen… How did she fall in love with him? Because he is so “perfect”? Even reading till page 498, I thought (and still think) that was the only reason she fell in love with him. Yeah, he is quite protective of her. I suppose the combination of the danger and the protectiveness she felt for Edward is what draws her to him.

And for goodness sake, she’s seventeen!!!

Yes, I am very skeptical about teenagers falling in love. I don’t know; I find they’re just too immature for that still. Edward falling in love is fine; but Bella… She’s really seventeen!!

Anyway, yes, the title. Getting to it!!

During the stint of my hoo haa with the Republicans after Obama’s glorious election and seeing how Roe v Wade will be the law for quite some time still, and how so many of them said how cruel I am to be a pro-choice person ladida… I deleted most of the comments because I considered them spam and only left 2 behind because the first one was important to explain why I continued explaining and the second one is for the sake of marketplace of ideas.

It was also about that time that I read the review for Breaking Dawn. It disgusts me, the synopsis of it. Refusing to have an abortion even when her life is at risk. But I suppose, since she was going to be a vampire after that anyway… She didn’t really bother about her life, because she was going to be an immortal!!

However… I saw this very brief interview with Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella Swan, describing Bella and Edward’s relationship like Romeo and Juliet’s. I found the comment funny, because when you think about it… Edward is dead. Undead, yes, but still dead.

That’s one thing I realize was “special” about vampires. As far as I recall… Only when describing a vampire do people use the term “undead”. Look at Frankenstein; the doctor goes “it’s alive!!” instead of “it’s undead!!” Phoenixes… rise from the ashes, or reborn (or re-egged; being a bird). And I usually hear that ghosts are dead…

Taking that view… I wonder why nobody find the book exceptionally unsuitable for impressionable teenagers to read. Think about it; Bella wants to be a vampire/undead/dead… See what I mean?

In a way, she does want to commit suicide.

It’s as if Meyer’s saying that love is something that is worth committing suicide for.

I have not read the second book, though I will make damn sure now that I would read it. I do wanna know how bad the book goes, and I don’t want to really rely on wikipedia and interviews and reviews fot it. Nonetheless… I’m going to pick a scene from the second book anyway; Edward’s big come back, as was called by Robert Pattinson (who plays Edward in the movie). Where he went to Italy to commit suicide after he was told by one of his sisters that Bella committed suicide when she actually went bungee jumping.

Oh, how worthless my life is now that I have found love and that the love of my life has committed suicide. I don’t wanna live!!

Too bad that Meyer’s vampire can’t commit suicide like how Amni and my idea of drawing a vampire suicides book. Something like Bunny Suicides by Andy Riley. Can’t just open the window and dies… Or go to a church and immerse himself in holy water or pierce his heart with a silver dagger ladida.

So Edward has to go through the complicated way of getting someone to murder him and burn him and whatever exactly that they did with James (OMG you soooo have to watch the Twilight Parody made by Evil Iguana!! The snack in question is a Hershey bar!! Hahaha). Had to go all the way to Italy to do that. And I am pretty sure it wouldn’t be as funny or as cute and adorable as the bunnies committing suicide. Hehehe.

Whatever, yeah… So really, is this what we’re trying to promote to the kids nowadays? Murder is wrong!! Suicide is murder too, you know. Murdering oneself. After all, it was illegal once to commit suicide. Heck, the UK considers euthanasia as murder!! It is still suicide, euthanasia, regardless the beautiful words put to it. Also, I think dying to give birth for a baby when you know that it will cost you your life is also “murder.” Like, your baby, an innocent (or a sinner, since people don’t baptize fetuses, right? How would they do it, even. Hmmmm…), being guilty of “killing” his/her mother. Put it that way, quite sickening, eh?

It is quite an obsessive love; forbidden and obsessively so.

And to the title. Bring back my comments on vampire and being undead/dead.

I honestly honestly didn’t see it in this angle till I read the aforementioned Roger Ebert’s review.

“‘She is the embodiment of the sentiment, “I’d die for you.” She is, like many adolescents, a thanatophile.”

Got that at the end of the second paragraph of the review.

When I wikied the term “thanatophile”, it was put as synonyms for the words necrolagnia and necrophilia, with the latter being the main article.

True… Edward is not a corpse… Still… He’s dead!!

A little bit sick, somehow. And I never thought of vampire-human sex like this till today.

Urgh.

Damn it!!

Still, the spirit of Ebert’s sentence, reading it in the probable meaning, without wiki-ing it but flipping through the dictionary instead… Okay it is not there. However, I manage to dig through the internet and found out that “thanato” in Greek means death. A fascination of death, perhaps? A bit weird to have sexual attraction to “death”, unless it does means corpse…

I don’t trust wikipedia much even though I do my research starting with it. It just gives me the general idea.

So, probably he meant fascination of death.

Even with this is so not right thing to encourage to teenagers (I keep repeating teenagers because they are the age group the book and movie is aiming for). One should not be so fascinated by death that they’re willing to die for someone they just knew. You know, maybe if Bella knew Edward for over 2 years… Actually even then it will be unacceptable.

Yes, I wouldn’t deny that I have admitted that I have suicidal thoughts.

However, I don’t go around “recruiting” people, telling them how fascinating death would be. Heck, I don’t think I am qualified to go around talking about how great death is since I actually don’t know how great it is.

And I don’t tell that because I want people to join me; I want people who do have the same feelings to not feel alone.

And I think Bella Swan should be on her own with willing to die for Edward.  Please please please don’t be stupid enough to want to die for someone else.

Nonetheless, being a pro-choice person, if you think that is what you think is best, I say fine, go on. I would not superimpose my morality on you. Assisted suicide, suicide, drive like a maniac, being homosexual or bisexual… Whatever. Especially when you’re an adult. At the end of the day, you pay it yourself; not others. And God gave you brains to decide on your own what is best; use it.

Oh, maybe that’s why I can’t stand Edward. He absolutely refuse to turn Bella into a vampire because he thinks it’s horrid or whatever it is. I mean, if Alice is willing to turn Bella into one… Why not? Why you busybody and try to impose your morality on Bella, even if you’re dating her?

Okay hold it; to clear another point; I’m not saying Stephenie Meyer is going all out to promote suicides and whatever that I have elaborate above. I am going into the intrinsic meaning of the story; what moral values does it have and what it seem to promote. I mean, when you say something or publish something or make it known… you are trying to put your views out; isn’t it always the case?

Nonetheless, being a work of fiction… It’s alright for me. Anything for entertainment sake and don’t get worked up on it. I find this a fascinating piece to write. Somewhat a practice, shall we say, for me? After all, this whole blog and its existence is for me to practice.

PS: I might sound contradicting, but if you read the whole thing properly, I’m not. I may try to influence your decision mildly, but I wouldn’t get in the way of it if you think it is best. And the influencing part; I would never use coercian or any mental or physical torture.

PPS: I like this quote too from the review.  “You may recall Robert Pattinson (Edward) as Cedric Diggory, who on Voldemort’s orders was murdered in a graveyard in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.” Maybe he was already a vampire.”
Makes you wonder… If Harry Potter series hasn’t ended… Maybe Rowling might even make Diggory turn into a vampire and fight against Voldemort or something.
And yes Amni, I am being lame.
Like you don’t know me.

PPPS: I have not watched the movie or read the whole series, as I might have mentioned above.

PPPPS: I love Gerry!!!! From PS, I Love You. And Gerard Butler, who played him in the movie version. Hahaha. Couldn’t resist adding this, after I typed out my latest entry, even though it is likely no one would actually see this.

Twilight soundtrack

Oh shit.

I listened to the whole album (finally) and I LOVE it.

Minus Robert Pattinson’s song, Never Think. Might like it in time, but I don’t know. Part of the reason is likely because I find it too… Americanized. The song reminds me of Wyoming, somehow. Don’t know why. I don’t know anybody from Wyoming, never watched a movie or read a book located there… Just, that’s what comes to my mind when I hear that song. Weird eh?

I’m homesick, remember? Ignoring the fact that England wasn’t my home and I am home… Nonetheless, I feel more at home in the East Midlands than I ever felt here. (Haha. No way will I ever feel at home in London, my sweets. I go down because you guys are there!!)

Brits should sound like Brits!!

Or at least, like what I expect them too.

Hahaha.

Of course, I love Muse. So that’s a gone case already.

However, I love love love love LOVE the song by Iron & White; Flightless Bird, American Mouth.

Folk rock!!!

Hahahaha. My kind of song. Hippy-ish.

I know am dreaming of smoking weed while watching the movie. Hahahahaha.

It’s really the song that I would want to listen while I get high. Hahahahaha.

Man, even just pholcodine would be enough, I think. Hahaha. Just to get high!!

Surgery

It must have been quite an entertainment for them.

My ENT’s team, that is. With my babbling about how I don’t want surgery about the time, I suspect, he was about to suggest it.

“No surgery unless it’s emergency!! And no taking of my blood and putting it in some vial. If that has to be done–with no other choice in the matter whatsoever–I refuse to submit myself to an MO. I insist that only a nurse go poking around me. They do a much better job. However, I still wouldn’t give my consent if it is not an emergency situation; which I’m sure this would never be.”

His MOs frowned at me; the nurses beamed.

His students had shocked faces of varying degrees.

He just looked at me with a very amused face.

“No blood?” he asked again.

“Yes! None of my blood will be involved. I would consent to a blood transfusion, however. I’m not a Jehovah Witness. Still, with my not losing blood, surely I wouldn’t need a blood transfusion, right?”

He went on with his “lessons”; as to why he didn’t consider my headaches to be in his realm of specialization and what not. Of course, those are directed to his students. I still butted in once in a while.

Seems that my nose bled and he could tell. “See?” pointing at the screen with my enlarged nose there. “Your nose looks exceptionally swollen today… and the capillary…” and gave me a look which showed wonder whether I understood what in the world he was saying.

“I got an A1 for bio alright. Almost failed my chemistry though,” I couldn’t resist adding.

Ahh… It’s always amusing to see my ENT. Both of us humoring each other.

“So how’s London?” he asked. “Dusty as ever” was my reply; “I prefer Dublin, I think.”

Hahaha. Just felt like saying it. He did his 1st degree there, you see. What a lie though; considering I slept almost all the time I was there. Hehe.

I bloody forgot to ask for pholcodine. Goddamn it.

And to get a pain killer… Goodness. It’s not easy!! I seem to be allergic to everything!! Had to pay for the meds. Man, I miss NHS, somewhat. And the list of my meds amused him. Maaannnn…

Nonetheless, with all the crap about no surgery and not many pain killers could be taken… He’s the only specialist that has a relatively straight forward job compared to the others; for my situation anyway.

There’s absolutely no reason for me to bring PS, I Love You to the hospital.

And there’s plenty of reasons not to bring it.

The most important bit is: I don’t want to cry.

For once, I want to look healthy for my doctor’s appointment.

And that had just have to be the time where I look deathly pale.

Urgh.

Bless make up and foundation.

Panda

Vic can’t for the life of her remember telling me this lame joke. Nonetheless… I’m putting it up.

Q: What are the 2 biggest dreams of a panda?

A: 1. To take a colored picture.
2. To wake up looking fresh.

Hahahaha.

My kind of joke

Of course, I have plenty of lame jokes under my belt. However, quite a number of them are in jokes, so I wouldn’t really share it with the world, lest u think of me as ridiculously lame.

Hahaha.

What a joke.

Shrink clothes

I don’t know… Maybe I lost weight. However, I haven’t been exercising and I’ve been eating ridiculously rich muffins. Nonetheless, my jeans and pants are more loose.

So I’ve been googling on how to shrink clothing without the use of a dryer, since I don’t have one here.

A lot of them are saying that hot water would shrink clothes.

Thank goodness there’s a huge pot that my mother uses to make pasta sauces.

Hopefully that they’ll shrink.

I don’t know why I thought it would be a smart idea to buy jeans in the UK, especially since I almost always put on weight when I’m there.

The sinful desserts!! OMG. Hahaha.

I miss rhubarb strudels!!

And I miss chocolate Wheetabix. Sigh. Anyone willing to post them to me? Hehehe.

OMG I’m going to the hospital tomorrow!!

I’m excited!! Hehe. I know, crazy, right, to be excited over going to the hospital?

Especially for someone who’s scared shit of blood in vials. I don’t know; it’s just bloody disturbing to see blood in vials. To me anyway.

Nonetheless, since I’m going to see an ENT specialist who will be spraying my nose till it hurts (but that’ll be the best half an hour of my life; when I have my nose absolutely clear) instead of drawing blood… Wee!!!

I bloody hate that stupid MO who almost ruptured my bloody veins with her incapacity of drawing blood properly. Give me a nurse anytime!!

Is it weird that I have had an operation before but I don’t know what my blood type is? Yeah; psycho alright.

I was too chicken to check my blood during biology; I skipped that class.

Hahahaha.

I remember stating that I have AB type blood. Hahaha.

I remember last year my GP required the nurse to get seven vials of my blood.

SEVEN.

I refused to look at her quite some time after that. Seven vials at one time. Crazy!!

It’s like being forced to donate blood!!

I, of course, fell down the stairs after that. Typical of me. And was almost late for my dental appointment next door.

Ahhh… I miss campus life…

And I would never donate blood. Blek.

It’s worse, I think… To see blood in bags.

Which reminds me, I just hope that my ENT wouldn’t be suggesting surgery to me. I bloody hate IVs. Especially when nobody changes those liquid things on time and it bloody sucks my blood out to the tubes.

That’s disturbing too.

To think that I am writing about a vampiric character who is addicted to blood when I’m this scared of it.

I never go see animals slaughtered. I’ll feel faint.

As if they need more problems. So I stay at home.

Crying

I’m crying while I’m reading P.S. I Love You.

It’s ridiculous.

I’m falling in love with Gerry.

Ahhhh!!!! So sweet!!!

Urgh, God!! Why couldn’t Bertie Ahern just remain as the Taoiseach? And that I wouldn’t ever find out. Then I wouldn’t have started reading her books!!

Now, not only do I want an Ivan (see If You Could See Me Now), I also want a Gerry!!

Arrggghhhh!!!

To think that I was saying to my fellow 20+ year olds, “it’s really pathetic that you have a crush on a 17-year-old albeit truly 108 year old American vampire” (see Twilight) and saying “but he’s dead!! Well, I know he’s undead now; but really he’s dead!!” to them…

I now am being worse than them; the character that I actually like is actually, really, dead. Burried already. Not roaming around Co Dublin as an undead.

Though in a way he is.

OMG just so bloody sweet!!!!!

Okay I didn’t fall in love with Ivan; I just want someone… I don’t know. Guiding me like he did for Elizabeth?

My first and true love (hahaha) from the books is this character called Hunter Niall from Cate Tiernan’s Wicca/Sweep series. I don’t know why but… OMG!! Hahaha.

At least, even though the character is seventeen… I had a crush on him when I was 15. Haha!!

Oh, and of course, Gerard Butler is waaaaayyyyyy hotter than that… Hrmph; public school boy.

Blek.

It is so cloudy that I would believe that I’m still in East Midlands.

Seriously.

I miss East Midlands. I miss England. I miss UK.

I also miss Scotland, of course.

And Scottish accent!!

Watching Rab C Nesbitt is just…

He’s Glaswegian, you see…

I prefer  Edinburgher. Hehehe

Underdressed

I’m reading Cecelia Ahern’s PS I Love You. OMG I love that woman!!

Yeah yeah I know I refused to read her book before.

Nonetheless, Bertie Ahern is no longer the Taoiseach. Huh, and I copied and pasted that word. Hahaha.

Goodness.

Anyway!!

It’s bloody November and I feel underdressed all the time here.

I mean, the two summers was not so bad, I guess… since I never actually worn layers upon layers of clothes during that period.

And now… Wearing just a T-shirt out when it is November!!!

I feel somewhat naked, indecent and cold, even though the sun would be glaring at me, saying in a booming voice, “you’re crazy!!!”

Two nights ago–okay more like morning–I was wearing my turquoise coat. Yeah, I made sure the room was ridiculously cold and I danced around in my coat. However, inside I only wore an oversized T-shirt. Hahaha.

Which reminds me; my grandma would be so proud of me, being awake during both twilights. Just that she would be mad knowing when I actually do sleep. She used to wake me up before dawn, just to see the light changes. And now… now… I no longer consider dusks and dawns twilights anymore; no more colorful lights and complex lighting ladida.

I soooo wanna go to Terengganu and catch twilight at the beach. Owh; dawn. I don’t know why but I usually think of dawn when I see the word “twilight”. Was a bit confused some moments when I was reading Meyer’s Twilight. I mean, you would call something whatever it is when it starts, not when it ends, right?

Ah well.

And anyway, who the heck would try and catch sundown at the East coast???

Fine fine… So yeah. I feel underdressed. I need to wear layers!! It’s silly to wear just a short sleaved T-shirt when you go out.

However, it is also too hot to wear a coat.

So now my favorite piece of clothing is the vest.

Weeee!!!!

Or I wear layered spagetti strap and halters. Though gets hot though. And my skin start to itch. Sucks.

I should get more vests. Sigh. Life suck. I miss the UK.

I miss wearing coats, damn it!!

MRI

I wonder if they really examined my head MRI image.

I really do.

My left side seems to be deteriorating further. I could use it still, thank God.

However, it feels much colder than my right side.

I’ve always been on the cold side; horrible blood circulation, it seems. Nothing wrong with my red blood cells; no crescent shaped cells. Just… I don’t know. Maybe my heart is not strong enough. Who knows? I’m not going to bother much about it.

It is a source of amusement; when every time we try to see who’s coldest, I would almost always win.

This, on the other hand, is a little bit too scary even for me.

I keep staring at Chalmers in my bookrack, wondering if I should try lift it up with my left hand, and will I be able to lift it up.

At the same time, I don’t want to know if I’ll be able to.

My veins on the back of my left hand are practically jumping out of my skin. It looks as if I have an invisible IV on it with the fluid going in at a much faster rate than my blood flows.

It is making me having sick thoughts.

Sigh. If only I didn’t do Health Care Law. If only I didn’t know how bad NHS could be (but then EU law is compulsory anyway; so I wouldn’t have been able to avoid it).

There’s so many “if onlys” going on in my head.

Sigh.

Edit: I fell down the bloody stairs!! Haven’t lost my balance that bad since England!!

The last time was at a tube station. I know!!! So embarrassing!! Thank goodness I wore jeans that particular day. God knows why I decided to use the stairs instead of the escalator. Bleurgh. I should use the lift. You know, disabled friendly stuff.

And not only did I fell down the stairs, I slipped very very near a monsoon drain when I went out to get bread for my mother.

Seriously!!!

Damn it!!

Disturbed, somewhat

I wish I left my laptop perpetually on like I do in England. And the internet connection is always there.

I’m typing on a words file now.

The idea to have a blog was my mother’s. Fed up with my writing insecurities, she thought I should get on the horse again and start writing again.

In my first year, my then personal tutor found my blog. Probably like all students, I wasn’t impressed with my tutors. Or maybe it’s just me with ridiculously high standards for my tutors.

Yeah, and when one went waayyyy beyond my expectations, I started hating him.

Love him one moment and hate him the very next. Sometimes I wonder if I really didn’t understand him. After all, I could understand the Bullet train, who had a much thicker accent.

Anyway, my then personal tutor found me, and I freaked out. I stopped blogging.

And I came back to Malaysia for Christmas break. My luggage was overweight; with presents.

I still couldn’t sleep on planes, that time. Then when I went to Dublin last St Paddy’s evening, I actually almost fell asleep. Almost; the flight took less than 30 minutes from EMA. Probably something really was bothering me unconsciously on flights.

My Understanding Law results really didn’t bother me. It amused me, actually. Which nut of a person could come up with 0.25 for essays but my examiner, I thought.

In my second year, I took a module my personal tutor taught, though I didn’t get him. I got my Understanding Law tutor. He didn’t matter much. He was this over-intelligent person that I can’t understand. Not what he says, but what he meant. Everything he says were just waffling to me.

Nonetheless, I did get my personal tutor for one of the seminars; my tutor had to attend some funeral.

He scared the hell out of me. It was like they were two different people; the man I see in his office and the guy leading the seminar.

And it was extremely extremely frustrating when he failed me.

And was even more annoying when I actually got a bloody 2.1 for the resit; marked by my seminar leader.

I know I used my Understanding Law examiner as the reason I stopped writing. She was, actually, a scape goat. And I feel guilty using her as such.

Sometimes I think to myself, “maybe I should send her an apology.” Would surprise her, no doubt; since she didn’t know I exist–or at least at this level. Rather random, wouldn’t you think?

However, the truth is, both my personal tutors were the one that actually hit the spot.

Oh, I had another personal tutor in my first semester in Uni. He left after that; his replacement was on study leave the first semester.

I was so shocked when he told me he was leaving, to be honest. I even blurted out “then why in the world did they give you personal tutees?”

He couldn’t give an answer.

My mother was the one that pushed me to have a blog again. She thought it was ridiculous I was still cowering under that “idiot”’s shadow.

So I started a blog; but I didn’t tell her the address. Just that it exist so she wouldn’t push me to start it constantly.

Werd, huh?

A blog just to type whatever I’m feeling to supposedly boost my confidence on my ability to write.

To be honest, I don’t think it’s doing anything. Especially since I don’t actually have repeat readers except few friends.

Anyway, yes; back to the original story.

I wish my laptop is perpetually on and that the internet connection is always on.

The wireless is being an idiot right now.

Oh well.

I’m currently reading Murakami’s Norwegian Wood.

It is rather disturbing. Waayyyy too many people committing suicide in there. It’s like, haunting me or something. God. And you would think that the Japanese have gone extinct with the amount of suicide being committed in there if you’re ignorant about the world.

It’s like every family in there has a person that have committed suicide.

And the topics that are discussed there… I don’t know. I feel uncomfortable.

However, I never ever stop reading a book unless I have to concentrate on my studying or leave the country to study. Even with the latter sometimes I would just bring the book with me. If I don’t, that book would be the first book I read when I come back; that’s the case with In Her Shoes. The former is the case with Lord of the Rings. To be honest, I have yet to finish the book. I started reading after PMR, when I was 15. Then I started school and additional maths almost killed me, so I stopped reading. I reread it again during my form4 and 5 school holiday, but I still can’t seem to finish it till book 6. I need to reread it because there’s so many things going on and if I just start from where I left, I would have forgotten it. Quite slow since I have this horrid habit of reading several books at one time. Don’t even ask me why I do that.

I really need to finish the book; the Lord of the Rings, I mean. That’s the only “complete” book that I have yet to finish the whole thing that I have started. And it is driving me crazy; it’s one of the 3 books my mother have never finished reading and wouldn’t bother anymore. So I said I will finish reading it.  Which was why I started reading Lord of the Rings. The other being War and Peace; I’m not sure what’s the third though.

So since  then, I never stopped reading a book, regardless how disturbed I am with it. I will finish reading Norwegian Wood. Just that it is taking soooo long. About a month, almost. I don’t know actually; I started it after I finish reading Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight. I can calculate the days, I suppose; since from my posts I know when I finished that book; but I’m too lazy so too bad.

Nonetheless, I have to say Murakami is one super well-read person. The amount of literature that he mentions. Whoa. Amazing. I salute him.

I really don’t know whether I would read his books anymore. Not really my taste. I mean, I rather read Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin.

Or maybe I might read it one day after I’ve recovered.

Or maybe I’ll give him a chance; maybe it’s just this book that bothers me. I don’t know.

We’ll see how.

Depends a lot of my finances, of course.

Dear AP,

Oh yeah, I do like the Twilight soundtrack. I’m thinking… it was enough just to have Muse on it for me to fall in love with the whole thing.

Hahahahaha

I have to agree with you on the comment. Ah well; their choice to be that way after all…

A little bit related; I still can’t believe Edward Cullen’s a 108 year old virgin.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Coffee

I suddenly missed brewed coffee.

It wasn’t enough to dump one tablespoon (yeah I know; insane) of instant coffee granules in a cup and pour hot water in it.

God, reminds me of Elizabeth in If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern.

It’s not the caffeine kick I currently want. I want the taste.

However, my area is now overpopulated with Starbucks. I suppose Elizabeth up there would love it.

I know I just made my way there and got myself a venti Vanilla Latte, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Yeah, what a begger I am.

Sipping it, I am disappointed at how flat it is.

However, I don’t like espressos.

Sigh.

I should really get a coffee press.

Sad that I can’t find a place that sells Illy in Malaysia.

Payment

I knew when I was furiously typing my entry on pro-life and pro-choice that I would pay for expressing my opinion; after all, I don’t believe in the American’s principle of absolute freedom of speech.

There is an extremely long comment on it; I’ve approved it. Nonetheless, I didn’t bother reading it.

My freedom to not bother about other people’s expression.

Nonetheless, taking a bit of the spirit of American’s absolute freedom of expression principle, specifically the marketplace of ideas, I approved the comment.

So that people who would want to know about the things you say could read them.

And be able to pick and choose what they think is best. Let the “market forces” let the best opinion win.

I am, after all, a pro-choice person. And not just in case of abortion.

The reason I still moderate my comments is because of the number of spam I still get. There are spammers smart enough to not pepper the comments with many URLs but have a “nice work” or “keep up the wonderful writing” and having the spamming URL as their website. I usually delete these kind of comments. Heck, even supposedly “genuine” ones without spamming websites that have could not extend the particular post or that I don’t respond to.

Though I have to say; it is so typical of non-Muslims to see that the Palestinians asked what they’re experiencing themselves. “They asked for it!!”

And (I would emphasize that this was not said by the commenter but a former coursemate) the Israelis have the word of God that the geographical area of Israel is for the Israelites.

Told by God to Moses.

Believing in the last religion brought down by the same God Judaism, Christianity and Islam supposedly believe in, I believe the latest word of God is the truest.

I mean, seriously, are we going to have double standards for God? That we humans can change our minds, but, oh… God can’t?

God underestimated human’s stupidity; I would always think of it that way. Oh yeah, it is quite blasphemous, I admit it.  However, I see it as a degradation of humans, not God Himself. That we’re so horrid that even our own Creator was caught off guard.

I have a feeling He is thinking of me that way as well.

When I was growing up, learning about the creation of Adam, there was an emphasis on the difference between man, animals and angels. Angels have no ability to choose; animals do as and what they like regardless what God says and humans are blessed with brains for them to choose.

Maybe my teacher was a pro-choice bitch like I am. Whatever; that teaching has stick with me.

I would never be able to accept blind faith as the truest faith of all. Even with my uncle citing particular verses of the Quran.

Because one sentence could always be misconstrued if we don’t know the context of things.

I have never finished reading the Quran in its original glory in Arabic. And I very much doubt I would be able to understand it in its original, beautiful language.

However, I’ve read several versions of interpretation of it. Taking them with a pinch of salt, since Arabic is a complex language that no language would be able to compete; there’s a lot of words in Arabic that the English language would fail to explain.

Of course I read the English interpretation. My Malay is horrid now; apart from my own special dialect.

Anyway; so, the importance of context. Reading the whole Quran as a whole, I can’t accept the blind faith concept.

It would be an insult to our special ability that God has given us.

And this is my interpretation. Never will I say that my interpretation is what all Muslims have. Far from it. My interpretation is likely one that not many Muslims have.

I specialized in human rights and civil liberties, not Islamic studies. And was trained to practice economics in real life.

I absolutely have no idea why my HRPUK seminar mates had problems with accepting economic principles; I see consistency in both.

Which brings me to this point; people would always see inconsistencies based on their believes.

There’s this quote that my tutor was trying to bang into our heads in one of our seminars; on adjudication. Judges’ adjudication was what the article was talking about. It was my paper for the module. However, like everything he taught me, I saw it beyond the faded borders sketched for the module. We humans read things just like the judges do. After all, judge or not, we’re all human.

“A realistic understanding of the judicial function leads to the appreciation that adjudication is a subtle combination of freedom (ie judges can cobble together the broad range of available doctrinal materials into the artefacts of their choosing) and constraint (ie judges are historical creatures whose imagination and craft are bounded by their communal affiliations, interpretive prowess, and personal commitments).”

Allan C Hutchinson, ‘Judges and Politics: An Essay from Canada’, (2004) 24 Legal  Studies 275, p 287.

On a somewhat related note; the Twilight saga now disgusts me. I know I’m judging it according to what was written in wiki, but no abortion even if it kills you? Yeah, sanctity of life for the fetus. Self sacrificing is just like suicide to me. So yeah, even though I do believe in Jesus (though not like Christians do); what he did on the cross? Yeah well, it was suicide. Giving in…

Yes, I see it as giving in.

See the inconsistencies you want; I don’t bloody care.

Oh, and on the Twilight saga… Isn’t turning into a vampire, in a way, being dead?

Funny; anti-abortion propaganda but consistently throughout the series, Bella Swans want to “commit suicide” to be with her perfectly superficial Edward Cullen the vampire.

Oh boy; I think I’m doing it. Yes, I think I am.

You know how much I don’t believe in sanctity of life?

I see myself as a believer; nonetheless I have suicidal thoughts.

Oh my, I’m telling people just how sick I am.

Of course, people like my mother (a Muslim) and quite a number of my Christian friends (Catholic or not) see it as despicable.

Maybe it is. Maybe I don’t have enough faith; my obsession on freedom of choice.

Maybe because I accept that I am human and that sometimes things can’t be helped.

You decide; I won’t force you to choose what you should think. Just give you possible explanation for my views.

Oh, wait, on Twilight still. Being the sick person I am, I’m still going to watch the movie, you know. Yeah, even going to watch it on the first day. Yeah, funding the start of a anti-abortion propaganda, I suppose.

I’m doing it just to annoy the hell out of someone. And since my life is so pointless right now…

Why not, eh?

Terminology

I wonder if anyone has realized the changed of terminology.

Now it is mother; hardly ever mom anymore.

Just wondering.

Mary Sues

I know I’m taking the coward way out.

Especially since I’m begging you not to talk about this with me; just think about it.

I’m scared of your character might be turning into a Mary Sue.

I’ve always hated Mary Sues.

I’ve only just remembered the term; coming across it in one of my wiki hoppings tonight.

And even though it’s just one post, your editing it has shown that the character would end up being so perfect and without flaws and having his perfect happy ending. And when I say something about my character that might be better than yours, you would want that personality as well. All the discussions…

His only flaw seems to be because of the fault of another.

I am starting to hate him somehow, and I worry if people would hate him too.

And I don’t know if she could continue liking him as well.

Probably maybe it’ll be better to quit; I don’t know.

I’m having problems with my thinking of plagiarism, even though with fiction, I suppose there’s not much likelihood of it. I don’t know; maybe it’s just too recent that I read the series.

Maybe it is because of the series that my teeth are suddenly bothering me? Pushing aside what the x-rays are showing, of course.

PS: I do realize that I have been complaining a lot about this. I have absolutely no idea how to justify this.