UK trip

I think I better just say it out loud; it looks very very unlikely for me to be coming up to the UK at the end of March for two months.

I didn’t want the world to know that I was coming mainly for the sake of the people in Cardiff.

Hahaha. Somehow after typing that, it’s as if everyone in Cardiff are just waiting for me to come and bless their city once more.

Hehe. I meant my friends there.

I don’t know… I don’t really like Cardiff. I’m sorry; really, I don’t.

Probably the reason why when I do go there, I spend most of my time in the house instead of out.

I was planning to visit England (well, duhh), Scotland, Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland… All except for Wales. Hahaha. I even made sure I would take the ferry from Belfast to that Scottish town with too many Rs in my opinion instead of from Dublin to Holyhead. Hahaha. I know; so horrible.

It is very embarrassing, really, the reason I’m not coming.

It’s not because of some ridiculously horrible fight with my mother.

No; it was just me getting moody and responding to her with one word answers to her querries. I got fed up explaining my route is not exactly where I am dropping by but more to show the direction as to where I am going. So I kept quiet and I haven’t asked her about it since.

The first time was hard enough; to ask twice would be cutting the wound bigger and dumping a whole kilo of seasalt on it and rubbing it on.

Will sting that bad.

Or maybe like when wasps sting you. The horrid thing is that I am allergic to wasps.

I feel bad, really, because I’ve told quite a number of my friends that I trust.

It was really going to be a hush hush thing; not many people would know. I mean, look at the dates; it’s near peoples’ exams and going back before most people are done. It’s really so that I would be with myself. Say goodbye properly to the UK (and find a Scottish hubby without Amni luring the guy away from me. Hahaha) and all.

It’s really somewhat like a Celtic pilgrimage. Somewhat. Hahaha.

I don’t know; it feels like I have not let go of England properly yet.

Probably because I thought that I will for sure be able to come to England for the last time without begging for it.

Still, I wouldn’t be coming.

And I no longer want to travel. Anywhere. It’s just me dragging my feet and humoring my mother now.

Now, I feel materialistic; I want lots of things.

I want a new phone, suddenly. Oh, I suppose reformating my Sony-Ericsson would mean somewhat a new phone, but I don’t know… But I don’t like most phones nowadays. I hate touchpads. Bleurgh.

And I need new shirts; plain ones and lots of it. I have too many patterned shirts and skirts. I can hardly match things!! Imagine wearing butterly printed skirt and a stripped shirt. Ewww!!!

I want a pair of Oxford heels. I don’t know, just for fun. The booties type. Oh, stiletoes, of course. And not open toed though. Preferably one similar to Blair when she went shopping with Serena. Can’t find the picture now. I remember it was black and white. Hehehe.

Handbags. Somehow I realize I’m lacking handbags. But at the same time, I’ve been looking around and there’s not much I like. I don’t like patent leather stuff, and it’s like everything’s patented nowadays. Sigh. Maybe I should adjust that rule of mine. I don’t know… I find patent tacky. *shrugs*

A MacBook Pro, obviously…

And I need a new bloody study table. I now find it is a pain in the arse to use my laptop on my bed. Seriously…

I don’t feel like buying much books anymore though. Now my book wishlist consists of mostly classics. My mother suggested I make a list of books I’ve read. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to do that because some of the books I’ve read are quite embarrassing for me to admit that I’ve read. Yeah, beyond embarrassment me is embarrassed of those books. Oh, it’s not the Twilight saga. Surprising, huh? Hehe.

I want a new hair color. Well, not whole head. And highlights instead. Man, having a bob is so ridiculously boring. Blah.

And I would like more headbands. Hahaha. Like I don’t have enough already. My mother gets quite angry with my leaving my headbands everywhere!! Hahaha. It’s like the only thing I feel my bobbed hair would be able to take without drowning it. Sigh. How I wish my hair was longer again…

Oooooo!!! A full length mirror. Just for fun. Hahahaha.

Of course more sheep!!!!!!

A printer. Those 3 or 4 in one type. Because my laptop refuses to recognize my mother’s printer. And I want a scanner; hence the 3 or 4 in one type.

More shoes. Of course. Haha. Though I think I would need to get a job before I start buying shoes again. I don’t really have much space above my wardrobe anymore…

Oh, I don’t know what else…

Shopaholic

Maybe I am one.

However, I am quite specific as to what I am a shopaholic on. I don’t get satisfaction by getting just about anything.

Only two things; books and shoes.

I have put a stop to my buying shoes though. I don’t exactly get to wear it. I feel like doing an internship just so that I would be able to wear the many shoes I own. The last time I counted the unworn shoes above my wardrobe… There were 50 pairs.

Yes, fifty pairs.

A five and a zero after that.

It’s crazy.

Regardless of how much I love shoes, I still don’t see sense in wearing it inside the house. When I’m home, somehow I like walking on the cold marble, which is why my mother still gets angry with me when I go to bed without washing my feet. Make sense since she would be able to see the evidence of my “obsession” at the soles of my feet.

So yeah… I want to get a job so I can wear all my various new shoes…

And I wanna earn so that I could buy more books.

That is really my only aim nowadays; to buy more and more books.

I’ll be happiest when I could spend all my money just to buy books and books only. Hahaha.

I have a list of books I would love to get.

However, once the list gets less than 25, I would usually try to add about 50 more to it.

Like a crazy person.

So there’s no way that one month I could abstain from buying books.

Sigh…

Oh, I finally finished Breaking Dawn, and I celebrated it by reading Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book (fascinating!!) till I finished it and a slide of cake from Secret Recipe. Yogurt Cheese Cake with raspberry filling. Yumm!!!

Druggie

I think the author of this secret was high when he typed it out and pasted it on the picture.

Because, for the life of me, I can make sense of what he’s trying to say.

I think, what he is trying to say that is if (s)he was Edward Cullen, (s)he would suck the heroin’s blood out of her body and never let it in again… Though the latter part is a bit hard to understand… Could you put back people’s blood in once you’ve sucked it out? I mean… it’s not as if you extract it like the blood donation thingies and would be able to transfuse it back… right? And wouldn’t that be even more so for vampires? And especially one that craves her blood so much?

And don’t you think it is interesting that Edward likens her blood to heroin? And that she is the heroin of the story/movie/saga/etc?

Heeee.

Playing those… Well, we know that heroin makes one high… Sense of euphoria and all…

Now, if I was Edward, I wouldn’t crave Bella’s blood/heroin so much because I know… there’s a cheaper and more easily available drug which is legal and an over the counter drug that I could get high on; pholcodine!!!

Hahahahahahaha.

Damn!! I miss that cough mixture!!

And to think that the GP gave me because it has a mild sedative effect that might help me sleep as well as stop my coughing!!

Hahaha. It just stopped the cough but made me high, waayyy too excited over everything and I couldn’t sleep. At all. I think I was awake for almost 4 whole days when I collapse and slept for 15 over hours straight.

Crazy, I know.

Still, I miss the drug. And I stupidly have kept forgetting to ask my doctors if pholcodine is available in Malaysia. It is definitely not available in normal pharmacies, that I know.

Damn!! I miss Boots!!!!!!

Waaahhhhh!!!!!

On the topic of boots, I would love a pair of Oxfords!! Not booties though; I think they look silly, somewhat. No idea why.

Seven sensible pumps

I have seven sensible pumps.

For work. Bought them with my mom when we were in England.

Seven.

Goodness.

And all soooooo not me!!

Blah.

I want to buy shoes!!!! Grrrr…

Shoes

Why is it people usually only describe shoes as “fuck me <an article of clothing>”?

I’ve only ever heard “fuck me shoes.” In novels, in articles (seriously!!), in blogs, in plays, amongst friends; you name it.

The weirdest thing is that, for the life of me, I can’t imagine how shoes became the “lucky” item.

Should it not be, say, skirts, be considered for “fuck me skirt” since it is the nearest to the relevant… shit, is it organ or anatomy? Whatever; it’s the piece of outer clothing that is nearest to the genitals.

Or even a top. A fuck me blouse. Make sense as well.

However, people just pick shoes to be considered utmost sexual. Or so it seems from having the term “fuck me shoes.” Does everyone seem to secretly have shoe fetish? Just, how bad it is?

Beda was saying my silver heels that I was crazy over in this post, that I wore when I saw her and Fatin, was what she and her friends in Turkey called “cfm” shoes. Come fuck me shoes.

She’s not the first one to mention that on my taste of shoes. Several friends have mentioned that I may be a conservative dresser from ankle up, but not for my shoes.

And people say one can tell a lot from one’s choice of shoes…

I want to find a book that would be able to break down someone’s personality from their choice of shoes.

I’m very curious.

Why would someone who thinks she’s asexual (I’m not sure whether I’m in or out of the closet; or if there’s even a closet) be drawn to fuck me shoes?

Oh, I don’t find sex disgusting. I do find sex disgusting if it’s between a tutor and tutee, or with a doctor and a patient. And Keri Russell in Waitress was the utmost sin to me; however I found it funny in there.

Oh, I know it is normal to have crushes or fall in love even with one’s tutor. Being an academic’s child, believe me, I know. One of my mom’s (then) unmarried colleagues used to cuddle up with me and read the silly letters that her students wrote to her. Recalling them, they can be absolutely ridiculous.

Oh, my mom was too fierce to get them, I think. She never told me if she got them.

Also, getting the supposedly good looking tutors, I’ve seen my classmates fall for various tutors. Man, I still remember how the atmosphere of the lecture theatre changed when one of my tutors, who was also our lecturer, told a story–which he really did not need to include her–to the class. I remember feeling disappointed with my friend; disappointed that our theory that he was gay was crushed. Hahaha. He’s just very loyal, I guess.

You know, there was even a guy that fell for one of my male tutors. I was shocked, initially, at his frankness. And annoyed; is it just me that see how wrong it is? And then even more shocked at how much he hated him after that. Maybe he felt betrayed. Aww…

I don’t know why I find it wrong. Maybe it’s because I’ve been around academics all my life that, liking them, regardless how near their age to mine, is wrong. Maybe it’s like, falling for my mom’s colleague? And they don’t have to be my tutors anymore. It is for my whole life, in my mind, I would think that that person, is my tutor. No such thing as “he won’t be your tutor anymore soon!” for me.

Oh; it usually just applies to those who have taught me only. If I see an academic walking pass (sometimes you can’t be sure; after all, grad students could be really old. So you just assume that that might be a grad student ),  he’s good looking (okay, Yan [I think it's her] once said that it is a bit scary that I usually look at female tutors. There’s more to look at!! Their outfit and shoes!! Men, just the face. BORING!!) and I’ll look. And if I see him again when I pass by, I’ll try to steal some glances. My tutors; before going in, see a guy. Oh, he’s cute. Go into the room. The same guy addresses the class. Oh, he’s my tutor. Suddenly, any interest in “washing my eyes” with his looks would evaporate. Frustrating; so I’ll complain to my friends–who actually want good looking lecturers–about how unlucky I am on getting one.

They absolutely hate me for that.

In my mind, my tutors should be old enough for me to use one finger to push them down. Hahaha. Okay, maybe not tutors, but it definitely apply to professors. I would be the person who would go around complaining about the fact that I got a young professor (which I did anyway and got yelled at by a friend for being “utterly ungrateful”).

However, I do realize that most of the attraction towards men described above is a bit… fabricated. Because, I don’t feel that way.

Maybe I’m a lesbian. Hmmm… I’m open to that… Hahaha. Maybe can share her shoes and clothes too!! Haha. I’ll be wanting a UK 6/ US 8 shoe sized lady, alright?

Hahaha.

With doctors… I don’t know. They just cease to have a gender to me. Once I know that person’s my doctor, it’s like my mind super impose on them scrubs (absolutely the most unfashionable thing to wear. I absolutely hate wearing them when I was in the hospital. No idea why they make patients wear them too!! Just think, you can’t wear heels with it. How… urgh…) and suddenly become androgynous. Though for some reason, even though he is usually already in scrubs, it is an exception with my dentist in England. He is just… *sigh* Maybe I’m straight after all. Hahaha.

The thing is, doctors don’t need to have a gender to be better at their job. They are supposed to be immune to the patient’s looks, sex appeal, whatever. I do emphasize on the fact that “they’re supposed to.” I know they’re only human.

However, I would prefer to have a male gynae. I hated mine. I told the OBGYN clinic that I no longer want to see that snobbish woman anymore if I ever come again. Oh, the whole hospital goes to her when their wife–or them, if she’s the one pregnant–needs an obstetrician. She’s a full-prof now. I, however, absolutely hate her. She doesn’t believe it when I say I’m in pain, because, according to her, it should not.

Well, shouldn’t it be an unusual symptom then?

So I’m still suffering from horrid period cramps.

Out of curiousity… what would you think about female lecturers that wear fuck me shoes? Are they trying to get the attention of their colleagues or their students?

I mean, when you think about it… it is quite uncomfortable to stand for an hour in stilettos… And to do it day in day out…

Silver heels

I love them. It’s a pair of pumps, very pointy. Very unlike all my shoes. I never got pointy shoes before as my feet are quite wide. I am not a proud owner of long narrow feet, but my feet are better than my mom’s. Haha.

I don’t know what made me try this pair. Maybe it’s because it was in the 50% stash, so I thought, why the hell not eh? I’ve less money to lose, and considering that I’ve bought a pair of open-toed patent heels… This seemed tame.

So I asked for my size. My feet was swollen due to the amount of walking and shoe cramming they have gone through the whole day, so I was surprised that my feet could slip into it without any glitches.

And it’s comfortable!!

To hell with all my mom’s silly theories about what kind of shoes I should wear. I have brought down every single myth that she has told me. I can’t wear thongs (not the underwear. They’re bloody uncomfortable, in my opinion. Seriously, you might as well don’t wear anything!!) because it will make my feet look too wide, heels will hurt your feet, strappies are painful, blablabla. Maybe my pain endurance is high in my feet as compared to my head; who knows.

Nonetheless, from now on, I will buy whatever design of shoes I damn well please.

And since hopefully I would have a source of income to pay for my addiction…

It is a cheap addiction. Or at least, in my case. Well, it is much cheaper than Carrie Bradshaw’s… or Faliq Ismail’s. Hahaha.

I much prefer buying the cheaper shoes. Oh, not in England though. In England, the cheap shoes are so blah. I wouldn’t be caught dead with shoes from Primark, H&M, new look and what nots. Actually I don’t quite like shoes in England; I drag mine from Malaysia. And I threw all of them away before I came back. How very unenvironmentally friendly of me. Hahaha.

That’s my modus operandi when it comes to shoes though. When I’m bored of them, I throw them away without any second thoughts. A luxury that comes with buying shoes that cost less than 10 quid.

I have never paid for more than RM50 for a pair of shoes, apart from the leather shoes my mom insisted I get from Clarks when she was in England. Ah well. They’re comfortable, so fine.

A plus in buying such cheap shoes is that I know that most of the material would definitely be man-made materials. So lessen the likelihood of my shoes having pig skin. Main reason why I don’t bother buying shoes in England.

Come to think of it, I did buy shoes in England. My sneakers, a pair of tennis shoes which are heavily embroidered that cost me 15 quid, and 2 pairs of flats that I got during Boxing Day sales which cost me 7 quid each. All in all, I paid max 17 quid each.

Not more than that, apart from the leather shoes my mom insisted I get.

So that’s not so bad eh?

Still, I much prefer buying shoes in Malaysia. Like I said, I have never paid more than RM50 for a pair of shoes. Okay, that’s after the inflation, so probably soon, after the sale, I would be willing to pay max RM70 for a pair of shoes. Though that’s also unlikely. Oh, I don’t know. We’ll see. I think just RM60. And as I use HSBC credit card, I’ll get a 10% off for normal prices item. Great, isn’t it? And I get points on my PADINI card and on the credit card. Awesome!!

Bleh, I’m too lazy to brush up the “posts” I typed when I was away without internet connection.

It’s good to be back on the West Coast. I am such a snob, I know that now. I freely admit it.

Can’t believe I do prefer the East Midlands than any part of the West in England. Or maybe because Wales is on the South West Coast of Britain… and me no quite like Wales. This coming from someone who has only been to Cardiff. Hahaha.

See, I really am a snob.

Though I hate London. Bleurgh. I do. London is just for holidays.

Edinburgh, on the other hand…

I should stop. Haha.

However, it does seem that it is true that I prefer the East side of England than the west. I like York; I didn’t like Manchester… Though Lake District was nice and it was on the West Coast. Hmmm… I really didn’t travel much when I was in England, didn’t I? Ahhh… regrets. I thought I would still be in the UK this coming fall!! Just, not in Britain. Still… ooohhh!! Belfast is on the East Coast as well!! Hahahaha. Though I could have become bi-coastal if I applied for the Cross Border programme, which would “force” me to go to NUI Galway on the West Coast. When people ask why didn’t I apply for it for the heck of it, I said because the modules were “too Irish”, to which some friends ask “what do you expect? It be too Malaysian? You’ll be in Ireland after all.” Cis, why do I have such “smart” friends? Sigh… Still, it was more of the health system in Ireland–and the inflation–that made me decide against it. I mean, I would need to be in Galway in the Spring-Summer term!! Hay fever season in a country where the drugs are expensive??? Blek, no thanks. I would still prefer sending drugs to my dear friends in Ireland instead of joining them. Worse, I don’t know who in the UK who has the same illness.

Still, in Britain, I prefer the east. In Peninsular… Or just generally in Malaysia, I want to be as west as I could get. I can’t survive even in the capital of Sarawak, after having lived near the capital of Malaysia almost all my life… Cocky cocky me.

I do love East Coast of Peninsular though. For holidays. Absolutely beautiful. I want to go to Kuala Terengganu on my own. Gotta check how much Enrich points do I have; if I could get a free ticket to go there… Hmmmm…

Some thoughts about the wedding:

• My cousin just had to pick a girl from the north of Terengganu. I mean, it took us like 8 hours to drive there from Temerloh. Seriously man.
• His elder brother’s wife’s village is only 10 minutes away from his bride’s. Seriously, is Jerteh the only place to get suitable Malay wives for my cousins? It looks as if they planned it all!! We’ll see where the youngest boy gets his bride…
• I am not feminist enough, though there were moments where I thought, man, some of my feminist tutors would be soooo proud of me, especially the one Faliq credits as the crimes in Brown’s mastermind.
• My family prefers not to follow the Hindu-influenced Malay tradition of bersanding. However, they still try to conform to the requirement of giving eggs to some guests, but just to less than 80 people. They got 90 eggs but I broke almost 10 of them while boiling it. Hehe.
• It is weird for all of us to see our tough cousin/brother to go all soft on his wedding day. Actually, it was a shock for me to even hear that he had a girlfriend initially. And then the break-up. And the finding of a replacement and after such a short period of time, the wedding. Though, when I think about it… He broke up with his first girlfriend before I left for England… And now I’ve finished only he got married. Not that fast; just short period for me, I suppose. Still, it is no less shocking that this tough guy has fallen. Haha. Still, this tough guy has a soft side; he’s always the one making sure everyone–especially our grandmother, who has a small appetite–have eaten their meals and amusing us, the younger cousins. When we were younger anyway. Hahaha. Now he can’t be bothered about us; he has moved on to his nieces, soon children.
• I forgot to get this couple my usual wedding gift; condoms. Seriously, since I turned 17, I gave all my cousins who got married–even the one who got married when I was in England, who got NHS-sponsored ones–contraceptives. I am a big believer of family planning. I would get them the Pill if it wouldn’t appear in my medical records. Still, condoms were much easier. And somehow more embarrassing for them, which tickles me. It is rare that a form 4 Biology teacher shows her class condoms. A very memorable class. Haha.

I am broke

I really am. Oh God. This is a horrible feeling. This is the very first time that I actually feel broke.

I overspent. I used even my ang pau which I planned to keep in a new savings account.

Yet I still wanted to buy some more shoes.

There were so many pretty shoes. OMG!! Arrggghhhhh!!!!

For the record, I’ve gone through almost half of my shoes that I’ve been keeping!! Been going out a lot. Though with my mom. Accompanying her here and there. And to the hospital. Must be the only person you know that goes to the hospital twice in a week, huh?

Found a pair of flats that would go well with my brown (urgh) Coach handbag. Brown as well. It’s super comfy, but there was no more black of my size. Sigh. So reluctantly I got the brown; it was 50% off. Explains why I got something I didn’t really like. Though I did think of my handbag. So now I have two brown items. Yeay!! I’m improving. God, next I’ll start dressing like Beda the brown color lover. Bleh. Haha. Nothing wrong with your dressing though, Beda. Just, not me.

I spent a grand total of RM567.35 today. Or at least, that would be what appears on the credit card bill for today. Not sure how much I spent on cash though…

Got my French for Dummies book. Going to check with the language school in front of my house when could I start and all. Man, I think I could only take a part time job, what with needing one day off every week to see my psychiatrist. Who thinks it is not a good idea to fast this year still, since I’m getting gastric back even with the PPI treatment that I went through last year… Ahh… My schedule would be jam packed.

I got a chick lit book, breaking my vow that I would not be getting a chic lit book. Well, I don’t really know how the book would be, but it was classified as chic lit by MPH. The Birds and the Bees by Milly Johnson. My missing Britain (haha guess which part ) made me buy the book. I have something against chic lits. They typically portray this high flying lifestyle as what sane women of the 21st century should want. Read the Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella; that kind. I can’t stand the Shopaholic series even though I loved her Can You Keep A Secret and The Undomestic Goddess (worst book to read if you’re a law student fearing you would fail one of your papers, in my opinion). I vowed not to ever read Cecelia Ahern’s book due to her rather privileged background; she’s the (edit: former; I thought only Britain changed their PM. Oh well *shrugs*) Irish Prime Minister’s (can’t pronounce the Irish term to save my life. I usually say it as “thosai“, like the Indian dish? Yeah, two race are going to kill me now) daughter. Okay, one of them anyway. Found out from a friend who was crazy over Nicky Byrne of Westlife. I remember her howling “how am I going to compete with someone who has a Prime Minister as her father?” Like she ever had a chance. *snorts* I always wondered why in the world would someone want to marry someone whom it’ll be almost impossible to understand? This said friend loved Cecelia Ahern, but quit reading her books after finding out she’s the sister of Mrs Byrne. Hilarious, I have to say. Hahaha. At least I don’t have a (or is it an?) Ahern in my book collection!! No more privileged authors in my book rack.

Which was why I requested them to open the wrapping of the book. After happily reading the biography of the author and that she didn’t really have a privileged background, I bought it.

I’m crazy in some ways.

I bought 3 pants… Okay two of them are actually sweatpants. Not those you wear to go out; just the last one. Haha. It’s more for my going back to see my grandma and aunt and such; they don’t like me wearing anything revealing, which includes shorts, baby-Ts and most of my tops. So I have hardly anything to wear, to be honest. Sigh. I love going back to the village, but it is just so troublesome that my taste doesn’t run the way they think it is appropriate to dress. Sigh.

I so want to get red streaks in my hair, but I can’t. All these cutting my hair to the point that there’s no curls, the shopping spree today… Everything is because I want to please my grandmother; to show her that I can be like the perempuan melayu tulen that she wants me to be. I know it is impossible, but hey, I’m trying!! I know it’ll be unlikely that I’ll done a hijab anytime soon, or wear more baggy pants and what not on a daily basis, but when I’m seeing her, I try to please her. After all, she brought me up.

Nevertheless, I still want to streak my hair!! Gahh!! I have to wait after Eid, I suppose. Then there would be a bigger gap before I go back home. It’s just that my hair looks so flat without streaks. Sigh.

Got shirts for work; if I do get a job. Hah!! All of them are 3-quarters. I could hardly find any long sleeved shirts!!!! Mostly are short sleeved; I thought it was absolutely ridiculous. However, thinking back last summer during my stint at the law firm, even the only female partner wore short sleeves to work. I just found it weird.

Okay I admit I bought more than one pair of shoes. Hehe. Bought a pair of flip flops for the wedding and a pair of–I can’t believe I got it even–a pair of silver… kitten heels? Pumps though. I don’t know why… Fell in love with it, and it was 50%!! Hahaha. Couldn’t resist.

Yes, I have never felt more broke in my life. And there were still sooooo many shoes that I wanted to get. Arrggghhhhh!!!!!

I soooooo need a job that pays loads of money!! I think I might have to ditch human rights and go into corporate if I want to indulge this habit of mine. Urgh. Definitely can’t specialize in those… War and refugee stuff. Imagine me running halfway across… I don’t know, East Jerusalem in my strappy heels, receiving a call from Faliq’s children asking me about weird things like, okay I forgot what things you would make me deal when you children ask you, Faliq. You need to remind me.

Still, just picture someone in ridiculous shoes running across the battlefield. That would be me alright. Me really nuts, my psychiatrist would straight away admit me to the psychiatric ward, no further questions asked.

Alive and kickin’

Even though it might not seem like it. I know it’s been quite a few days since my last entry. Actually no, just one day gap. Hehe. Not that much but I have soooo many things to blog about, which is why I feel that I haven’t blogged since forever!! Heck, now that I think about it, I haven’t even written about my escapades before graduation. Heee.

I’m back to my horrible ways. Thank goodness. I lost my appetite last week when I was in Sarawak. Clearly, I must have been home sick. Hahaha. East Malaysia is so just not the place for me. I’m a Peninsular person; West Coast specifically. I doubt I’ll be able to survive in East Coast, to be honest. I would reserve that for holidays. And binge eating trips. Hehe. Me, binge eat, is just as likely as me getting drunk with alcohol (I have the very enviable ability to get drunk without alcohol. I just need the correct company ). Still, it does feel like binge eating sessions to me. Ahhh… I want to go to Kuantan and eat awesome calamari!!!! Sotong!!!!!!!!! Nothing in West Coast could ever compete!!

The way I say these is as if the West Coast of Peninsular Malaysia just consist of Selangor. Hehehe.

Still, my horrible ways… eating Cadbury Bytes!!! Omigod!! It’s absolutely AWESOME!!!!!!! Hahaha. I miss it soooooo much!!! Haven’t had that since went back to England. I am still crazy over short bread though. God knows when I will stop being crazy over short bread; started when I was on my way to Durham; had no food with me except for the Irish short bread. Awesome gila. Hahaha. I miss using “gila” (literally crazy) after everything. Hehehe.

It’s so easy slipping back to the various Malaysian dialects/accent. It’s so cool. Hahaha. My cousin was impressed that I still haven’t lost my own unique dialect/accent (I really am not sure which it falls into. I know Kelantanese would definitely be a dialect, since they use their own terms. I don’t know whether the terms that I use is just from my area or if everyone knows it), which combines the dialect/accent of almost every Peninsular state, and now with a taste of… Sabahan? Tawau? dialect thanks to Vic.

My psychiatrist mentioned that I have a slight change in my accent too. And just like Malay, it’s a mixture. Hearing someone having a different pronunciation of a word would always make me confused with how should I pronounce the said word (Zaire comes to mind. I still have no idea how one should pronounce the word!! Gahh!!). I usually end up following the other person’s. Though thank goodness I still pronounce certain words the same… (Young comes to mind… Akk!!)

But damn!! I made bloody sure I didn’t change my accent!! I panicked, though she rushed and assured me, most of my pronunciation was still the same.

Though it is a good discovery, to find out that she has a sense of humor.

I also learned that once you’re an Irish celup, you would forever be one. Or maybe if you study medicine. I don’t know; seem to come across doctors only who have studied in Ireland. Okay that’s a lie. Still, blablabla.

Told her of my “fear” of calling Queen’s in case I couldn’t understand their super thick Northern Irish accent. Always wanting to know if my fears are founded, she asked me why. Told her it took my forever to understand one of my Irish tutors. Surprisingly, she responded with a super thick Irish accent.

I was rather surprised. She never laughed at any of the silly things I said. I sometimes worry if she even has a sense of humor.

Now I can put my worry to rest. Also, she is my psychiatrist, not the other way round.

Ahh… nice to see her again.

One of her students amused me. A different bunch, so I didn’t really mind. If I do mind, I’ll just kick them out like I usually do with the other specialists (except for my ENT, whose student would usually be the one spraying my nose). One of them… I saw from the corner of my eyes, that he kept nodding after every single of my sentence. It’s just so funny. And somehow I could actually see him being a psychiatrist in the future. Very attentive. Or maybe not… Maybe he just nods to assure the patient he’s listening when he’s fantasizing about a car he wants to buy or something.

It sucks when it is possible you would be allergic to your medication. Heck, I get queasy stomach with my anti-histamines anyway!! It is quite ridiculous, the amount of allergies I have. I really hope that I would be able to get these meds. My GP in England told me not to take a 25mg of amitriptyline if possible; I might not be able to take it due to my ibuprofen allergy. And my dear hospital only has the 25mg tablets. Nooo!!! Those meds are awesome okeh!! Or at least, when I was in England it is. Still, it helps with my headaches and stuff. Lets hope the combination in Malaysia is different from England…

Sometimes I sound like I did pharmacy instead of law for my first degree. Seriously… Tsk tsk.

Still, looking at my mom’s medication, nothing crosses my mind. Hahaha. I’m just an expert with my own meds. Nothing more. Hehe.

Though… I would be out of my nose spray before I can see my ENT. And since I haven’t taken any meds from them for over a year, they don’t dare giving me a prescription without me seeing my ENT. Damn!! I suppose at times like this I would need to use my mom’s connections to the university… Sigh… why was I stupid enough to not request a prescription from England and ask them to give me here? Bleh.

Oh, one thing I realize about psychiatrists/ therapists/ counsellors… They don’t really care what other experts say in a referral letter. They would always ask me to tell them what’s going on and what not. I requested the health center to provide a letter to my psychiatrist on my medications… She believed me without even seeing the letter. Quite surprising. I mean, my developments over the year wasn’t really on the letter anyway… So I can understand her wanting to know it from me directly. Plus, things change quite fast anyway. I just find it… interesting.

I hate doctors that can’t speak the language they choose to communicate with a patient fluently. It makes horrible bedside manners!! It demotivates the patient and a lot of miscommunication could happen. From experience, I hate the MO I saw on Monday. Absolutely hate him. He seem to believe that you can control your thoughts 100%. Thank goodness he’ll be a butchering surgeon instead of a psychiatrist!!

Wrote some stuff when I was waiting for my surgery appointment… But too lazy to type. Wrote quite a number of silly things while I was in Sarawak… also too lazy to type it. Will do tomorrow, maybe. I typed something while I was on the plane, but I can’t find the stupid file. Bleh.

I think I’ll continue with the news on myself tomorrow. Oh, after shopping. Need to shop for some presentable but not tiny clothes to wear for my cousin’s wedding. Well, not really for the wedding. For the times not during the wedding. Am I even making sense? Bleh.

Gonna shop for, you guessed it!! Shoes!! Especially shoes!!

Hahahahahaha

Shoes, shoes shoes

10th August 2008 @ 11.45pm

I wrote this entry. Was too lazy to switch on the computer again. And I am amazed, that my writing really slops downwards even though it slants to the left. Man, I really want to get my writing analyzed to find out my personality!! It always intrigues me when I see a writing similar to mine, and I’ll try observe the said person, hoping to understand myself.  Maybe I should scan my writing and show to the world. Heee.

————————-

I must be mad. Seriously mad.

On one look, if you don’t really know me, you would think that it is my kind of heels. Stilettos. I finally started buying them after all these years of avoiding them. I still love stack heels though; my first love. Haha. Still, the thickness would be one inch sideways and one cm max; I hate chunky heels. I hardly buy wedges anymore. Bleurgh. Hate them now. My mom kept telling me how uncomfortable stilettos are when I was younger.  She’s soooo wrong!! It’s not the heels that determine the comfort of the shoes but the soles. I have quite a few uncomfortable 1-inch heels that she pushed me to get.

Nonetheless, this particular pair is so not me. It’s an open-toed patent heel. As if the fact that it is patent is not enough, it is open-toed!!! Urgh. I hate them!! My brains and sanity–what little I have anyway–must have fled when I bought them.

It must have been the fact that it was 50% off. There are no other reason for such a stupid buy.

Arrggghhhhh!!! I hate myself!!

I admit that I love the T-strap. Still!! It’s not enough!!

Gahh!! Now I have a pair of stupid open-toed patent heels.

I’ll repeat it as many times as I want. I am absolutely pissed with myself.

And the stupid thing was that I remember wanting to buy it. Heck, I even hid it in my handbag to avoid my mom knowing!!

Gahh!!

I hate myself!!

Fatigued!!

Random: One of the search terms that found my blog today is “getting to warwick castle from sheffield by train”. Seriously???? Did I even mention Warwick Castle yet in this blog??? :S

Urgh. I only manage to sleep for less than 5 hours yesterday. And even then it wasn’t a restful sleep. How annoying. And my mother came into my room, panicking over her Canadian visa application. Why is it that I have to bear the burden of the Canada’s choice of classifying Malaysia as a red alert country? As if it is absolutely ridiculous for a country to require citizens of a particular country to apply for a visa when entering their country. It is, after all, their absolute right to require it. Still, the woman would have nothing of that. It is unacceptable for Canada to require Malaysian citizens to apply visa and I would have to hear all the complains.

God!! She repeats the story to literally everyone!!!

The annoying thing was, she could have done everything on her own. The fact that I was awake an hour before she came barging into my room is besides the point. Even if I was asleep, she would have woken me and continue as she did; switching on my laptop and using it. After all, my things are not exactly mine, right? She just had to wake me up since it is unfair for people to sleep, soundly or not, when she is panicking.

I fell asleep again after all the hoo haa. I wanted to go to the PC Fair… And at about 11.30 she panicked yet again and woke me up; I’m going to be late and if I’m going to be a bum, she’s not sending me to the LRT station. My respond of saying I’ll take a cab then was rebutted by the reason of I’ll be wasting unnecessary money. Right.

So groggily I went to get ready, dumped whatever in my handbag and off we went to the LRT station.

Didn’t get as many things as before. Maybe since I no longer buy DVD-Rs… Damn I was tempted to get a new camera. Heee. A Canon this time. Hehehe. Such intense colors!! I likey too!! Nonetheless, I’m still content with my p5100. Got a proper screen protector and a cover for it already. I let my mom haggle for me since I would have been content paying the price. Seriously, being content on paying the full price is a big sin in my mom’s eyes. It is obscene and it is almost as bad as pre-marital sex. Good thing I don’t indulge in that then…

In the end I got a 4GB SD card, a laptop cooler, a mouse (because it was cute and only cost me rm10), a headset and an 160GB 2.5″ external HDD. So now I can bring 160GB worth of things conveniently. Weee!!! Hehehe. Didn’t get an mp3 player since I don’t want an iPod or any of those that were available. Bleh. I’ll just find one that I like and haggle like crazy.

After that, I just had to drop by Vincci to see if there’s any flats that I like. Sadly, the one I liked didn’t have my size. Sigh. So I’m rather stuck with heels at the moment. However, I got myself a wedge. It’s comfortable and stable, but I don’t quite like wedges. It’s hard for me to explain why. There were several heels that I like… However, since my mom will be picking me up… I rather I buy and hide it from her first. The interesting about all my shoe shopping escapades is that, she never make a big fuss when the credit card bill arrives. Heck, somehow I think she just writes the cheque after looking at the amount and telling me how much was my share. Never a big scolding session. Which is why, like I always say to her, I keep within my budget. She just doesn’t know how many pairs I actually have.

I think I’ve mentioned before that my mom has a problem with how many pairs of shoes I have, not how much I pay for them. Because the situation fits; I don’t buy expensive shoes, but I have a horrible weakness of wanting too many of them. Hehehe. And I hardly buy anything when it is not on sale. Heee.

I thought I only got no limits to my credit card (from my mom, not the bank. Our limit is waayyyy too high for us both, and my mom only has a classic. Seriously. No platinum for us; it’s a waste of money to pay for the fee for that) only last year when my mom told me to change my wardrobe. “You’re turning 21 already!! You need to change your wardrobe!!” Alas, I was too lazy and was working and was busy studying for my resit and rewriting my paper, I missed the mega sale last year. I thought I would also miss the shopping spree I would reluctantly go for. I do regret not going since I did realize things have gone up in price. Sigh. Still, my mom said just few minutes ago, “get yourself a new wardrobe, for goodness sake!!”

Heeeee!!! Nice!!

Except, with a condition; “don’t buy too many shoes!!”

Goddamn it!! Sigh…

Don’t envy me for getting no limits on my card from my mom; if I was one of those shopaholics, I doubt my mom would be so free with her money with me. Oh no, it is because I’m waayyyy “too stingy” when it comes to buying things for myself. I may like something, but if I’m not willing to pay the price, I wouldn’t get it. And it happens all the time, it annoys the hell out of my mom when we shop together and I like something but refuse to get because of the price. I wouldn’t even allow her to get it even if she thinks that it is a reasonable price. I would absolutely forbid her.

Which means, I don’t buy designer stuff. Ohh, some of their things are nice, of course they are. Nonetheless, price just affects me so much. Marginal utility goes to negative immediately. Which is why my designer bags are bought by other people; though I picked the DKNY one, as it was the perfect substitute from the caplang-not-sure-which-brand handbag I’ve been using for the pass 6 years. Oh yes, I can make things last as well if I want to. I just choose not to most of the time.

And UK High Street brands? Please!! They’re sooo overpriced here!! No way would I even enter them. Oh yes, I am snobbish like Faliq now; except, I go a step lower instead of higher. Hahahaha. Though, seriously, the Malaysian “high street” brands have about the same quality as the UK high street. Maybe even better, since material and such are cheaper here. Why bother paying so much for something similar then? The only time I shop at UK high street is when I’m in the UK. Now that I have left the UK… No way man!! Unless there’s something only they have, like suit jackets since PADINI ones can be a bit too small for my generous figure (haha ), I wouldn’t go in there. Blek. No to ZARA, Dorothy Perkins, Miss Selfridge and so on. It’s just so silly, paying for a UK name which is only high street. I much rather pay for a designer brand item.

So this August, I wouldn’t be doing anything but shop. Ahh… Okay, Faliq would know that I wouldn’t do it all the time, and I wouldn’t spend that much anyway. I feel guilty spending my mom’s money. Heck, I feel guilty spending anyone’s money, even my ang pau money that my uncles and aunts give me!! Sigh.

I hate shopping at chains, to be honest. I just, I don’t know. I don’t like them. I much prefer going to boutiques, and luckily… well, it is a bit embarrassing to admit that I just realized that there’s a lot of boutiques just in front of my house. Hehehehe. So I’ll be exploring them like crazy. Big added bonus that I just need my two feet to get to those shops. Nice!!! I like I like!! Weeee!!!

So suddenly I like shopping. Shoot me. It’s more because I need clothes than I want more clothes. I can go by with my current wardrobe, but my mom’s not so happy with that. So off I go…

Though first, I would need to go for MSLS this weekend. I look forward to listening to what the speakers say. And seeing my friends. Though some of them were saying, “Nani, you just saw us last 3 weeks. You’re acting as if we haven’t seen each other for 3 years!!”

Well… I don’t know where you guys live and I am too lazy to go out!! So it is a reason to be excited!!

Oh, after MSLS I would be in Kuching till the 8th… For another conference, even though I’m not sure if I’ll be attending it. My mom’s involved, and there might be some topics I might be interested. A social science one, so somewhat my area. So I’ve dumped quite a few shirts into my luggage to prepare just in case I decide to go to more than one talk. Oh, the variety of shirts is for my mom’s sake. She gets embarrassed when I wear the same thing over and over again like I usually do, as she loves wearing new clothes. Hehehe. She doesn’t want people to think she deprives me from buying clothing for her sake, when in truth I’m just a lazy ass who hates shopping for clothes.

Sigh. I really can’t believe they dragged me into bringing things on my luggage allowance as well. Sniff sniff. And I can’t complain since they’re providing me with breakfast and dinner. Cis. These people know me too well!! And especially since my ticket was the zero fare from MAS… I can’t complain that they have to pay me.

Also, doesn’t help that my mom was the one that agreed they can chip into my allowance too. Hrmph.

Still, I am thinking that I’ll be sleeping most of the day on Monday, when we arrive in Kuching. A long weekend, and our flight is at 8am. Wow.

Yet here I am, not yet asleep. Hahaha

I must be insane

Random thought: how in the world did searching for “slutty cartoon” result into finding my blog? Seriously?

I accidentally cut myself. At my foot. Been “shaving” the dead skin. “Hanani,” my mom said, “could you please stop it already? You’ll soon cut yourself.”

I thought it would be impossible; my skin there is super thick!! Or so I thought.

I was horrified at first, but when I realize the implications, I was happy. Happy beyond words.

Hahahaha.

Finally, the skin on the soles of my feet are thin enough for myself to accidentally cut myself.

Hehehehe.

I was telling my mom, “now the fish at fish spa wouldn’t even bother coming to my feet; nothing for them to munch on.”

Man… I am obsessed with soft feet.

I blame my mom and my aunt. Always harping at me to wear slippers in the house.

Oh yes, regardless of how crazy I am over shoes, I don’t particularly like wearing them in the house. I am very Asian in that sense.

They always tell me to wear slippers in the house so as to protect my feet from having skin that is too thick and would eventually lead to cracked heels. So I started using pumice stones and foot scrubs.

Then Faliq was gushing over how nice is it to have pedicures. We wanted to have one, and finally got one when we were in Lake District. The lady did a horrible job at it. I wanted to minimize my loses. I went to search for the file she was using. I found it; my first love, the pedicure file. I used it literally every day and still I wasn’t satisfied. Still, it was much better than what the lady did, the lazy fool.

The day before I left, I went to Sainsbury’s to get some last minute things. I saw the corn and callus remover. I thought why not eh… Just get it. The stupid blade is too near to the closing… So it is almost impossible to use…

I went to Watson’s just now… A pharmacy, for those of you who don’t know. Saw the same thing there, and with more gap between the blade and the closing, and cost less than rm10. I thought, why not eh? Just get it.

And tried it almost immediately after I got back.

OMG I can see pinkish skin. Ahhhh!! So exciting!!

Thought of using the pedicure file to smoothen out the uneven skin. Since I cut myself, I better let the wound heal first.

Happiness

Ahhh… So I finally got my boxes that I ordered!! I’m happily packing away. Can’t believe how relieved I am now that the boxes are here and all I have to do is pack. Though to be honest, packing is a big headache as well. Still, I’m relieved it is here and I could do the packing. Will be sorting out my clothes; which one to parcel and which one to bring home with me. My mom told me, “make sure you’ll have clothes when you’re back home!!!” Hahaha. I do remember I have a pair of jeans back home, so I’m not so worried.

Ahh… shopped for more shoes again today. And yet again, both my mom and I fell in love with the same pair of shoes. Haha. It happened once last winter when she was here, and again now. Nyek nyek. Got my awesome hand cream that I will definitely miss (M&S White peach and almond. Man, I love the smell!!)… Ahh… I know I’ll definitely miss England. Well, even if I were to do my LLM, I wouldn’t be in Britain. Still, Ireland is just next door anyway.

Didn’t cut my hair in the end. Was too busy getting other things. My mom’s one happy woman, with the china she found at the charity shops. I wasn’t sure how I was going to cut my hair anyway. And the nearer it got to the graduation day, the more I thought it wasn’t worth paying about 30 quid to just get a trim. I mean, seriously, the same amount in ringgit (about rm210, still following the easy 1 pound = rm7 exchange rate) would mean that I would be able to get my hair colored, permed or whatever else I want, with proper treatment and everything!! I know that your graduation picture would be the same your whole life. Still!! There’s such thing as photoshop nowadays!! Haha. Do ignore the fact that I don’t even have the program on my computer. Hahaha.

I’ll be straightening it in the morning before I leave. Like my natural hair. God, I can’t wait to chop off my curls. Wonder what hair style will I adopt after this. Hmmmm… Come Monday, I’ll redo my hair!! Wahaha!!

Off to eat dinner now. I’ve written about my mom’s karipap empire, but I’m afraid that I’ll only be able to blog about that later. Like mother like daughter, she has a deadline due; tomorrow. Haha. Canadian time, if I’m not mistaken. Nyek nyek. Luckily!!

On my last post

Oh my… I didn’t look at my News feed on Facebook. I should have checked before I posted the entry Seems that I should have… So I’ll tell how my words should be interpreted; strictly. Oh, there’s this guy among my friends–not going to tell who since he is quite famous, shall we say, and I wouldn’t want to announce it for people to know –who just posted a picture of a flat. Now, is the grammar right, Faliq? Don’t be shy to correct me, which I’m sure you’re not. Leave a comment or something. Anyway, just one side of the shoe. So I’m confused a bit. Anyway, yes… He said that he would marry the girl who wants a pair of that particular design shoes.

In my last post, I meant, just sexually turned on. You don’t need to be married to be turned on, right? There’s a lot of things one could interpret when it comes to choice of shoes; I’m going to interpret that the reason why this guy wants to marry a girl who would like to have that pair of shoes (it’s a brand which my uncle has been trying to get me to buy. Just one would be enough, he said. Even provided me with the money. I told him I picked 100 pairs of my usual brand over that any time. I’m no Carrie Bradshaw; I don’t need labels. I just want loads of shoes) as, due to its brand and the fact that they are flats, that he wants a practical girl who is confident enough about herself that she doesn’t feel the need to torture herself to look pretty by wearing killer heels that kill her feet. And I am confident that he would want his wife to wear some kinky shoes in some fantasy of his. Hahahahaha

Damn…. Can’t think of a name for this category; on shoes. Most of my recent categories are named after songs, but the only song on shoes that comes to my mind is “Open Toes” by Katherine McPhee. I hate open toes, for some reason. Hurts my feet a bit too much; the biting of my toes. Not worth it. Not that great either.

Sigh. How how how???

Ooooo. Nearest would be “Love is my Legs” from the musical Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Ridiculously funny song. Hahaha. Or maybe “Cold Feet”. Loads of tapping in that song. From another musical; The Drowsy Chaperone. Hmmmm….

Love is my Legs wins. Because the song is sillier and I like Norbert Leo Butz more than Troy Britton Johnson even though the latter is more good looking. Hahahahahaha.

Oh yes, I am in Scotland right now; Edinburgh. Hopefully we’ll be able to get on the tour, which goes as far to Loch Ness. Coolness!!

Gaahhh!! I’m still hearing “theft!!” in a bloody thick Scottish accent every time someone talks to me. Goddamn it!! Faliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiqqqqq!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

And I see you have been reading my blog during work!! Haha. Go do your work weiii!!!!!!