I am broke

I really am. Oh God. This is a horrible feeling. This is the very first time that I actually feel broke.

I overspent. I used even my ang pau which I planned to keep in a new savings account.

Yet I still wanted to buy some more shoes.

There were so many pretty shoes. OMG!! Arrggghhhhh!!!!

For the record, I’ve gone through almost half of my shoes that I’ve been keeping!! Been going out a lot. Though with my mom. Accompanying her here and there. And to the hospital. Must be the only person you know that goes to the hospital twice in a week, huh?

Found a pair of flats that would go well with my brown (urgh) Coach handbag. Brown as well. It’s super comfy, but there was no more black of my size. Sigh. So reluctantly I got the brown; it was 50% off. Explains why I got something I didn’t really like. Though I did think of my handbag. So now I have two brown items. Yeay!! I’m improving. God, next I’ll start dressing like Beda the brown color lover. Bleh. Haha. Nothing wrong with your dressing though, Beda. Just, not me.

I spent a grand total of RM567.35 today. Or at least, that would be what appears on the credit card bill for today. Not sure how much I spent on cash though…

Got my French for Dummies book. Going to check with the language school in front of my house when could I start and all. Man, I think I could only take a part time job, what with needing one day off every week to see my psychiatrist. Who thinks it is not a good idea to fast this year still, since I’m getting gastric back even with the PPI treatment that I went through last year… Ahh… My schedule would be jam packed.

I got a chick lit book, breaking my vow that I would not be getting a chic lit book. Well, I don’t really know how the book would be, but it was classified as chic lit by MPH. The Birds and the Bees by Milly Johnson. My missing Britain (haha guess which part :P) made me buy the book. I have something against chic lits. They typically portray this high flying lifestyle as what sane women of the 21st century should want. Read the Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella; that kind. I can’t stand the Shopaholic series even though I loved her Can You Keep A Secret and The Undomestic Goddess (worst book to read if you’re a law student fearing you would fail one of your papers, in my opinion). I vowed not to ever read Cecelia Ahern’s book due to her rather privileged background; she’s the (edit: former; I thought only Britain changed their PM. Oh well *shrugs*) Irish Prime Minister’s (can’t pronounce the Irish term to save my life. I usually say it as “thosai“, like the Indian dish? Yeah, two race are going to kill me now) daughter. Okay, one of them anyway. Found out from a friend who was crazy over Nicky Byrne of Westlife. I remember her howling “how am I going to compete with someone who has a Prime Minister as her father?” Like she ever had a chance. *snorts* I always wondered why in the world would someone want to marry someone whom it’ll be almost impossible to understand? This said friend loved Cecelia Ahern, but quit reading her books after finding out she’s the sister of Mrs Byrne. Hilarious, I have to say. Hahaha. At least I don’t have a (or is it an?) Ahern in my book collection!! No more privileged authors in my book rack.

Which was why I requested them to open the wrapping of the book. After happily reading the biography of the author and that she didn’t really have a privileged background, I bought it.

I’m crazy in some ways.

I bought 3 pants… Okay two of them are actually sweatpants. Not those you wear to go out; just the last one. Haha. It’s more for my going back to see my grandma and aunt and such; they don’t like me wearing anything revealing, which includes shorts, baby-Ts and most of my tops. So I have hardly anything to wear, to be honest. Sigh. I love going back to the village, but it is just so troublesome that my taste doesn’t run the way they think it is appropriate to dress. Sigh.

I so want to get red streaks in my hair, but I can’t. All these cutting my hair to the point that there’s no curls, the shopping spree today… Everything is because I want to please my grandmother; to show her that I can be like the perempuan melayu tulen that she wants me to be. I know it is impossible, but hey, I’m trying!! I know it’ll be unlikely that I’ll done a hijab anytime soon, or wear more baggy pants and what not on a daily basis, but when I’m seeing her, I try to please her. After all, she brought me up.

Nevertheless, I still want to streak my hair!! Gahh!! I have to wait after Eid, I suppose. Then there would be a bigger gap before I go back home. It’s just that my hair looks so flat without streaks. Sigh.

Got shirts for work; if I do get a job. Hah!! All of them are 3-quarters. I could hardly find any long sleeved shirts!!!! Mostly are short sleeved; I thought it was absolutely ridiculous. However, thinking back last summer during my stint at the law firm, even the only female partner wore short sleeves to work. I just found it weird.

Okay I admit I bought more than one pair of shoes. Hehe. Bought a pair of flip flops for the wedding and a pair of–I can’t believe I got it even–a pair of silver… kitten heels? Pumps though. I don’t know why… Fell in love with it, and it was 50%!! Hahaha. Couldn’t resist.

Yes, I have never felt more broke in my life. And there were still sooooo many shoes that I wanted to get. Arrggghhhhh!!!!!

I soooooo need a job that pays loads of money!! I think I might have to ditch human rights and go into corporate if I want to indulge this habit of mine. Urgh. Definitely can’t specialize in those… War and refugee stuff. Imagine me running halfway across… I don’t know, East Jerusalem in my strappy heels, receiving a call from Faliq’s children asking me about weird things like, okay I forgot what things you would make me deal when you children ask you, Faliq. You need to remind me.

Still, just picture someone in ridiculous shoes running across the battlefield. That would be me alright. Me really nuts, my psychiatrist would straight away admit me to the psychiatric ward, no further questions asked.

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