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Irrationality

September 11, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

I suddenly have this urge to rant. About anything. The thing is, I don’t know what to rant about. I am yawning like crazy but my mind is not at ease. Yet I don’t know what to rant about. What the hell is this??? Why is this need?

Arrggghhhh!!!!

I need to concentrate my energy somewhere!! Just that, I don’t know what should I concentrate it on!! I can’t concentrate on my reading. I’m reading Big Fish by Daniel Wallace. I wanted to watch the movie, but I couldn’t find the time. Now I don’t know where to watch it and I don’t want to get the DVD for it.

Sigh. This sucks. How pathetic is it that I have this need to rant but I don’t know what to rant about?

Maybe I do know what to rant about but I don’t feel comfortable ranting about it where everyone could see?

Sigh. I miss my therapy sessions. I can’t wait for next week, where my therapy would continue on a weekly basis. I missed them sooo much. Oh God, I love therapy. Keeps me sane.

The only thing I hate about it now is that, due to change of circumstances, my psychiatrist now want me to weigh myself before seeing her. With a nurse there, obviously, so I wouldn’t lie or something. Sigh. Shan was saying she would be able to get away with it since she wouldn’t be able to see her weight. No such thing; the nurse there would look at you and tell you the figure, but it sounds as if she’s asking you to confirm it. Seriously, the weighing scale at hospitals are more sensitive than those that people use at home. Do you really need me to confirm it?

I haven’t exactly weighed myself since before I left for England, wondering how much weight I lost since people were saying they could see my facial bone structure. Drastic drop of 15 kgs in 3 weeks. So if you want to lose weight, have a maxillofacial operation, where you wouldn’t be able to chew anything and would have to confine yourself on a jelly diet. I would love it; I’ll replace them with bean curd.

However, I would never ever get myself under the scapel if I have a choice in it. Would only enter the OT when I absolutely have no choice in the matter.

So I’ll have to weigh myself again next week… Before I see my psychiatrist… Oh the joy!!

Hopefully this fasting would have done some magic to my weight.

I’m also scared of making a new outfit for Eid. I’m scared that my tailor would scold me over my widening hips. Sigh. How pathetic am I? Scared of my tailor…

Before fasting started, I run on the threadmill everyday. 40 minutes; I was so proud of myself. However, since the fasting month came, I didn’t since I get super thirsty when I run. Better not, I thought. So I suppose I’m piling the pounds again… Sigh.

I think I’m better off staring at the ceiling.

xoxo

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