Archive for November, 2008

November 30, 2008 Leave a comment

Does it mean, by saying that the one character I find so like me a Byronic hero, that I am one myself?

Is it why I avoided going to Newstead Abbey? I’ve been curious.

Still, calling myself a “hero” is laughable.

Nonetheless, I am the main character of the story of my life, no?

I ask you; should I continue reading the story even if I feel like I am tearing myself inside out but possibly might understand myself better through the said character? Or should I try to ignore it and pretend that I never read the book; even burning the copy of the book that I have?

What would you do if you were in the same position?

Categories: Ramblings


November 29, 2008 Leave a comment

I am feeling extremely lazy today; what with the fiasco with the getting out of the parking lot.

My mother is having guests tomorrow. No surprises that they would be economists. Sigh. New bunch of people at that. I wish I knew fewer economists and more sociologists; what they specialize on is much nearer to my interest.

So I’m baking right now; I have to prepare the dessert. Tiramisu is the winning dessert.

Brought down my laptop to the kitchen because, as usual, I hate the sound of silence. And I felt like annoying the dogs next door. Am listening to the highest pitch songs I have. I hate dogs. Urgh.

The internet connection sucks at the kitchen though. So I am typing this on a Words document.

I felt like reading. And since I read all the rest of the ebooks I have on my laptop, I thought, fine, why not I read Midnight Sun then? The indefinitely postponed Edward Cullen’s point of view of the Twilight fiasco by Stephenie Meyer.

That was the plan anyway.

In the third paragraph, he went, “Or was purgatory the right word?” He was thinking of high school.

And that was the last sentence I read. I decided, to hell with the sponge fingers, I am going to Google Foucault. The sociologist who wrote Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison. Prison could be seen as a type of purgatory, yes?

I am sure the me of my last semester in uni would have been surprised of the me now. Foucault? Are you insane? His theories drove you insane, not to mention the waffling of your hippy lecturer about him.

The me now is just trying to grasp on just about anything that reminds me of wonderful times, even if I didn’t consider it wonderful at that time.

Now, I’m just regretting the fact that I didn’t read properly about him. Pretty fascinating, I have to say. Still, I suppose it is not really my cup of tea. Or should I say coffee? Brewed coffee please, thank you.

God, I love brewed coffee. Glad I finally got myself a coffee press. Ahhh…

And between a sociologist who specializes in Foucault’s area and an economist… Give me the latter anytime, thank you very much.

Still, I miss the original Nessie of my life.

No, not the Loch Ness monster, but pretty close.

They’re both Scottish. 😉 And with the most adorable accent. Hahaha.

Ahhh… THEFT!! 😛


November 29, 2008 Leave a comment

Nina, you’re going to be offended by this post as well; let me warn you before hand.

I thought that I will only hate one silver car; mine. For the sole reason that I am too lazy to wash the bloody thing. Sadly, since I am not working yet, my mother uses the car and she has some complex of wanting the car clean all the time. However, she insists that I should do the washing since it is mine and she’s just “borrowing” it.

Today, I hate another silver car.

Specifically, a silver Volvo.

I hate Volvos generally. I don’t get their need to make their car so long.

I especially hate those old models; those with bumpers as long as 5 inches. Seriously, it just makes it so goddamn long!!

I had to parallel park when we did our grocery shopping. My mother decided, why not make me drive this time. She’s tired and I need to practice.

Fine by me. With my new chant, I can do anything with a car.

Boosts my confidence by truckloads.

When I parked, it was reasonably spaced. I could go in and out comfortably with that space. And I made sure I was in the middle of the box. My mother’s quite OCD on those kind of things.

However, when we got back, this idiotic silver Volvo parked in front of us, with its stupid bumper and rear end getting inside our box, making it ridiculously tight for me to come out.

And my mother said I should be able to come out since I parked better and faster than she did.


She has been driving even longer than I have been alive!! And she’s asking me to get us out from that tighthole???

She used her typical reason to make me drive; “you need to learn how to do it one day anyway.”


Now, I declare that I freaking hate all silver Volvos. Heck, all Volvo for that matter. No way will I enter one anymore. I rather walk!!


Took me almost 10 minutes of maneuvering to get us out. And my mother just sat next to me, laughing.

I never laughed at her when she was struggling to drive!!

How cruel!!

Categories: Ramblings


November 29, 2008 Leave a comment

Dear Nina,

I am responding to your comment; I don’t feel like putting another comment underneath yours. It just contribute hits for that particular entry for no reason.

You used past tense; move on la wei. And join me with hating the silver color on cars. Muahaha.

And I am changing the name of my blog. Immediately after publishing this post, actually. I just named one of my sheep with a name that starts with a C, finally. Haha. Cailean, pronounced ka-len. Male Scottish name; because the sheep wears a kilt and a hat. Hahaha. And I got it in Scotland 😉

How’s Vienna? Been some times since I talked to you. I’ll write on your wall on fb or something some time soon 😉


PS: This comment was on my post about my frustration with the color silver of my car.

Categories: On my blog


November 28, 2008 Leave a comment

My mother’s students used to find thoroughly amusing that their tutor’s child seem to be the exception to most economic theory.

Let me explain that; it makes it sound that I am an economic being instead of a biological being.

It really is to how I would approach something. If all “rational consumers” act the way I do… The economic theory would fail. I am the exact opposite of a rational consumer.

The most frequent occurence is how I respond to advertisements; ceteris paribus, when the supplier increases advertisement, I reduce consumption instead of increasing it.


Because if I lower my consumption/ demand for it, they would have less revenue. Less revenue would mean they have less money to pay for advertisements.

That’s an example of how my twisted mind thinks. I’m too lazy to give others. Haha.

However, I realize that there is now an exception.

That is of the MacBook.

The more frequent I see the damned thing in a movie, the more I want it.

The last movie being in Twilight, where Bella uses this really slick black MacBook.

I waaaaaaaannnnnntttttt!!!

Doesn’t help that my screen is being an idiot right now. Hrmph.

Book vs movie

November 27, 2008 Leave a comment

Spoiler warning: Don’t continue reading if you want to watch the movie Twilight without knowing the plot because I might talk about some of the plots and the plot “limitations”.

I felt like I was the only one that didn’t compare the movie to the book in the theater just now.

I did see an interview with Catherine Hardwicke stating that she wanted to be as faithful to Stephenie Meyer’s work as possible.

And man, did she did that alright. I don’t think there’s another movie that followed the book as faithful as Twilight did. Most of the things said were verbatim; lifted straight from the book word for word. It makes you think, man, being a screenwriter of an adapted movie must be really easy. Nonetheless, she did a bad job, I think.

The movie was full with giggling girls. And the camp Edward and camp Jacob were there… Though camp Edward was either more vocal or had more followings. When I was reading the review, I really, honestly, didn’t expect there will be shouting to the screen of “I love you Edward Cullen!!”, “OMG Edward!!”, etc etc… I don’t know. Malaysians seem to be on the boring side.

However, they surprised me during this movie. Never have I watched a movie with soooo many people whispering!! And almost everyone were girls; not surprisingly. The guys looked like frustrated boyfriends being dragged by their girlfriend. If I were them, I wouldn’t really want to go watch such movie. I mean, your girlfriend sighing over some other guy? Ergh. Some masochist you must be!!

And most of the whispering consisted of “eh but that wasn’t in the movie” and “yeah! It went like that!” and “noo!! Where got!!” and so on and so forth.



Keep quiet and just enjoy the movie!!

I, of course, laughed at the scenes which Evil Iguana Spoofed. I was also eating a Hershey’s bar when they were playing baseball; about the time the three other vampires appeared.

I also teared when it was raining or drizzled, which was often since Forks was said to be the wettest part in Continental America. It made me miss UK so very bad.

Anyway, so yeah, most of my fellow watcher read the book, and they enjoyed it, I am very sure of that. There was a loud applause at the end; something you would expect during a musical, not a movie. You know, when the cast comes out and bow at the audience? Yeah, they did that.

I sat beside a lady who have not read the book. I realized it halfway through the movie when she whispered “why?” a bit too often, which lead me to whisper to her if she has read the book. The answer was no, she haven’t, but she will get it after the movie.

And she wasn’t the only one. Before the movie, I went to MPH to look for Cornelia Funke’s Inkworld trilogy books, and saw that the Twilight books were overflowing the shelves. I went back, feeling the need to spend money (I’ll probably explain why later), and saw that at least one quarter of the Twilight books were gone. Either the people decided to buy the book and read it immediately after watching the movie or those that watched the movie with me (it was the first screening at GSC 1Utama) that didn’t understand and haven’t read the book wanted explanation.

It is not surprising.

I suppose people might not believe me when I say what I will say, considering I’ve read so many reviews. However, I have to agree with the reviewers, and it is proven by the lady that sat next to me. You would wonder how in the world Bella came to the conclusion that she has fallen “unconditionally and irrevocably in love” with Edward. He talked to her in class, saved her twice, rejected her invitation to go to La Push (though we also know why thanks to Jacob Black) and went on a date with her after saving her the second time, where he explained somewhat that he’s a vampire and wants her blood and can’t read her mind even though he could others… and she falls in love with him.

Let me just say that although I somewhat prefer the Bella the way that Kristen Stewart and the screenwriter decided to portray her because I found her (okay more like Meyer’s) flowery words in describing Edward annoying, those annoying flowery words, I realize now, were quite important in explaining how she came to such conclusion. Bella/Stewart is a no nonsense type, no frills whatsoever. Quite surprising that she “falls in love”, using the phrase loosely.

The movie really made it more obvious how shallow Bella was for falling in love with Edward, what with reaching the conclussion before knowing him.

And with her pouncing on Edward (which the Malaysian censorship board thought it necessary to cut even though the movie was already classified for 18PL, to which I will ramble about later)…

Just confirms that she’s just a very very horny teenage girl, having a strong desire to mate with the most “perfect” guy she knows. And even after that pouncing episode… I don’t know. It makes me feel like taking back those criticizing things that I said about the flowery dialogue that Meyer employed; without it, you wonder if she is in love with the guy. It’s like it’s just words; she’s trying to convince herself, yeah, she loves this guy.

I don’t know… It somehow felt like she just wanted to fuck the guy (pardon my French), and after the deed is done, she wouldn’t even look back and forget that Edward Cullen ever entered her life.

And from Edward’s actions… he would be the heartbroken one; the kicked puppy.

And combined with the soundtrack… Don’t get me wrong. I love the soundtrack. It may suit the story and all… but the angry lyrics of most of the songs… it intensified the feeling that Bella’s frustrated that Edward wouldn’t sleep with her. Though Carter Burwell’s score did save the situation somewhat. OMG I love the score, too!! Hahaha. Bella’s Lullaby really is beautiful; to me anyway.

And Wyoming still popped into my head when Never Think played (during the “date”). Seriously!!!

Oh, I don’t know. Even though when you watch the movie, it does follow the book, the feeling of it is not the same. It doesn’t make you curious as to why it’s so popular; it’s the obsessive love that Bella feels for Edward. However, having strip that off for the movie… there’s not much of the spirit of the book in it.

From the discussion after the movie, I could actually tell which one of them haven’t read the book. The satisfied ones were the one that have read the book and are happy at the way it has come to life; they could fill in the blanks that were left out by the screenplayer (so unworthy that I am not going to bother search for her name; and I no longer think it fit to complain about the actor when it comes to the potrayal of a person after my pondering about Cedric Diggory’s portrayal in Harry Potter 4. Warner Brothers are just so obsessive about making Harry the good guy all the way that they made Diggory utterly obnoxious. Bleargh), thanks to their knowledge of the book.

If I were to consider whether to watch the next movie based on the movie like a “rational” person who hasn’t read the book and can’t be bothered to read it, I wouldn’t watch the movie.

However, as I am not a rational person, I would want to watch the movie to see how bad the adaptation will be; if they decide to continue with Bella’s current personality. Man… As it is Bella is such a vacuous character… and stripping the personality that is so essentially Bella Swan, ie her obsession with Edward, just seemed too much for me, even though yes, I do find it annoying.

I don’t know. I suppose I’m sending mixed messages here. I am annoyed with myself; I’m not being consistent. Whether I want Bella to be flowery, or whether I don’t want her to be.

Watching the movie and seeing the character being stripped, I have to admit, annoying as it is, Bella is much better off with her obsession. For the sake of storyline anyway. I still don’t particularly like the book; I just read because it was recommended by and I trust its recommendation; for some reason it never disappointed me. I wouldn’t really go as far as it did disappoint me though. And I will read the whole series because, 1. I am “researching” as to how popular writers write, and 2. I am pretty positive that Stephenie Meyer’s a Republican and–though I’m not too sure on this part–she’s trying to lure teenage girls into Republicanism and pro-life views. I know, I should be some conspirational theorist. Like a friend said, only I could come up with some pro-life forwarding agenda in fiction novel.

Maybe I should do some PhD thesis on hidden political agenda of fiction authors. The books I would pick would be Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga and CS Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia. I think that should be enough, yes? One anti-religion, one pro-religion and one… pro-life, I think.

Oh, one scene in the movie reminded me of a bit of a hanging theme in the book; when Bella, Jessica and Angela went shopping at Port Angeles… When Bella got accosted by the guys (which from the cast list I discovered were frat boys), those… Apart from the fact that Edward was disturbed by their thoughts… I don’t know. In my mind I tried to connect them with James and Company (the vampires that hunted Bella) so as to make their appearance in the book more sensical instead of just appearing out of no where. However, I suppose they wanted to gang rape Bella instead, since the movie tried to make them appear gradually instead of something that she quickly inserts to make the story more interesting (as most reviews of the book took note that the story only got more interesting in the last 170 pages [give and take] of the book).

Let me make it clear again that I did not compare the movie with the book in the theater; then I just allow the book to fill in the blanks when it was unclear. I don’t compare the book while I watch the movie; I try to enjoy the movie as much as I could. I do the comparing later; in the case of Twilight, now. As a whole, I find the movie disappointing because it doesn’t explain Bella well; then I bring in the reason why and then I commented about how the book makes more sense and that Hardwicke didn’t really succeed (in my opinion) to follow Meyer’s plotline due to the stripping of one of Bella’s very few personalities. And then I started talking crap.

By the way, I thought that it was pretty obvious from the ending that they are continuing with the sequel, I think. With Victoria looking angry after spying on Edward and Bella necking. Makes me wonder why they went through the pretense otherwise, stating, oh, only if they make x amount from the movie. She had that look that someone has that wants to get revenge for her lover.

Oh, I needed to spend money to calm myself down somewhat. Amni, don’t take it as if I’m betraying our hatred pact; I still don’t like him personally. Haha. As if we actually know the guy personally like that. 😛

Robert Pattinson did a good job portraying Edward. As I’ve mentioned before in a previous post that I am too lazy to link here, I found it disturbing how Edward reminded me of myself. As the lady that sat next to me said when the lights went up, I looked as if I just saw a ghost.

In a way, I did; I was watching a movie with vampires, after all. And I checked the wiki article for “undead”, it included ghosts too.

I still feel disturbed, even though I got myself a CD and 2 pairs of shoes…

Slipped my mind; Edward’s personality. I was concentrating too much on Pattinson, I think. Bleurgh.

My feelings were too raw, I suppose; less than 24 hours since I saw my psychiatrist after 10 weeks of absence. Good thing it wasn’t on the same day though.

There were times, I actually felt like walking out of the theater.


New Moon, World Economy and Medical Advice

November 26, 2008 Leave a comment

As I was sitting in the LRT (Light Rail Transit; something like the Subway or the Tube, but above the ground. Not trams though. Hmmm; like the Singaporean MRT), reading Life of Pi, a Malaysian chav boy sat next to me. Not a rempit though; more like a hiphop wannabe. Like chavs, but hotter climate edition. For the life of me I can’t remember how was his appearance anymore.

He was reading a book.

Alright, no big deal. I was reading one, too.

Then I decided I wanted to know what book he was reading.

He was reading Twilight.

Somehow it didn’t fit the picture. I mean, anyone who has read the book would agree it is pretty much a girly book, with Bella Swan telling you how it goes and so on and so forth. I would imagine guys would role their eyes till they would permanently stay at the back of their heads every time they read how Edward makes Bella faint and what nots.

And this “manly” boy was reading a girly book?

Doesn’t help that he is Malay.

Probably he was trying to improve his English?

But to read Twilight???

Apart from the fact that there are characters who are vampires, the book truly is actually a love story. If Edward wasn’t a vampire and just a “normal” teenage boy (who practices celibacy), it would just be your typical teen love story.

Oh well.

Went to KLCC; that’s why I was on the LRT. Dropped by Kinokuniya and to discover that they only have one copy of Seeker left, and I grabbed it. Ahh… so relieved that I have the whole set of Sweep series by Cate Tiernan. Hunter… Heheheh 😛

And I discovered that they, too, were out of New Moon. Oh, I was at 1Utama to watch Madagascar 2 (which was sooooo cute!!! Hahaha) and went to MPH, wanting to buy the rest of the Twilight Saga.

What are they up to now?

Are they planning to increase the price, what with USD is appreciating like mad? So they keep the books? And what with the confirmation that New Moon would turn into a movie…

And with the world economy going nuts and people not trusting Euros yet so they revert back to USD, and with Obama going to be the President, people would trust the US economy more…

Yeah, I must be the only crazy nutcase who reads about the world economic situation and what not to decide on when to buy a book.

Yes, that is actually the reason why I want to buy the book now. Not so much as to know how bad the morality of the book is, because that could wait; the book wouldn’t change its story anyway.

However, the USD is going up up up, and since the Twilight Saga books in Malaysia come from the US…

Okay, I admit I am crazy. Maybe it’s just coincidental.

However, I would absolutely flip if when I see New Moon on the shelves again, it costs more tham RM40. Yes I would. And I would scold myself and say “I told you so!!” over and over.

Arrggghhhh!! I knew when Obama won, I should have bought the rest of the series. Grrr…

And I will be waiting till GBP (British Pounds) go down to at least RM5 and wait till the price of Harry Potter reduce.


Yes, I live my life pretty much by observing economic rules. I am comfortable with them, even though I am usually going against the theories when it comes to something of a choice; I am not your “rational” consumer. For example, when someone increases advertising, I have the tendency to stop consuming the said good (ceteris paribus, of course; everything remaining equal, especially the price). Advertisements annoy me. So by reducing the consumption of the good, they have less money to spend on advertising.

A rationale that make sense, no?

Okay fine, it does to me anyway.

Exchange rate, on the other hand, is beyond my control. So I follow it and let my life be bothered by it.

I still keep track of the exchange rate between GBP and MYR just for fun.

I’m comfortable with economics; just not in a professional life. In my private life, fine.

I just don’t want to live under my mother’s shadow. And I know I’m not strong enough to do that, at least in Economics.

I mean, she has officially retired when I was to start my University course. It’ll be suicide!! Too many of them know me as her daughter; there wouldn’t be a chance for me to be judge according to my own.

I don’t blame them one bit; it is human nature to judge someone from another person they’re related to.

It nonetheless bothers me, and since there are ways to avoid it, I should use it.

And I found another calling that I am passionate of; human rights.

I don’t get why my friends that do human rights find it weird that I am comfortable, and even like, economics when I am interested in human rights. They find it bizzare. They think only conservatives should like economics. And as might be picked up from my blog, I am definitely not a conservative. I’m not a liberal either, but I am very sure of not being a Tory.

I find it consistent though. I’m a pro-choice supporter. In economics, consumer is king regardless of what Adam Smith say about the invisible hand. In a perfect market, there’s perfect information for consumers to make the right choice. And I would like to think that rational choices take into account their situation as well. And unlimited supply; up to the consumer to pick and choose which supplier they want ladida.

With pro-choice, you let the person in question decide on the given facts, no? Not like pro-life supporters who would like to shove their moralities down people’s throat and not wanting to explain why very much except by saying “murder is wrong because God said so”.

I’m sorry, but I believe that when God says so, He also explains why it is so.

Economics are a part of everyone’s life. Just read books such as Freakonomics, The Undercover Economist and such; you can see how economic theory could explain almost everything about life. I think no other subject could boast such a thing.

And it is no surprise that I am comfortable with it. I’ve been studying it even during my gestation period; my mother was doing her PhD at that time. And when I finally studied it formally, it was like breathing; it came naturally.

Nonetheless, I worked my ass off to get the bloody A for my A-levels paper. What I meant was understanding the theories. Some find the ceteris paribus and the “unrealistic” expectation to be able to only adjust one variable when in real life it is impossible that only one variable to be the only thing that doesn’t change. It needs a lot of imagination, I suppose. Unlike in science, where the manipulated variable could be the only thing changed. How do you control the thoughts of so many people, the subject in economics, anyway?

That’s why every economic theory has assumptions; because it is impossible to achieve that in real life, unlike in science.

Anyway, the world economy suck right now, as I’ve mentioned You should know that unless you live under a coconut shell. And yes, it does affect me, even if it is a bit different from how it affects others.

I’m a fresh graduate and I am unemployed. People are laying off their workers by the thousands and people are not letting go of what little money they have unless they have to (or so the rational person would do anyway).

I don’t have savings since I never worked in my life–or at least, earned anything anyway. My medical condition is crap, and you need money for medical treatments; medication, therapy, you name it. Even seeing a doctor costs money. My mother’s “employer” no longer pays for me as I have turned 21.

So I should work to earn money. And I should make sure I secure a job before things deteriorate further.

However, my psychiatrist (I saw her today after a 10 week gap) said I shouldn’t bother myself with a job just yet.

She knows my mother is still working; I myself told her, so it is not really about my connections. I don’t really think she knows much from the other psychiatrist (whom I know in real life) whom referred me to her.

Sucks really, that she knows so much. Still… I asked what she thought about it and she thinks it is best for me to not work just yet and continue how I am; reading more and more books.

I told her I’m trying to get back the creativity I believe I lost while doing my LL.B. She thought I am using my time well.

Sadly, my mother does not agree with her. She thinks it is a waste of time, especially to read fiction, which is what I tend to read. And she thinks it is the most ridiculous advice ever to tell a young adult not to read the newspaper, which was what my GP in England told me to do.

My psychiatrist, on the other hand, thought that it was a sound medical advice.

When you read the newspaper, do you realize that what is reported is usually the bad things? You don’t hear that the government has done well and what not.

Sometimes I think that the only time there’s good news is because it comes with a bad news.

Obama winning meant McCain losing; so it is worthy of being in the news.

Of course, this is a very simplistic view. Of course there are articles which are informative.

Still, the bigger chunk of the articles are sad news.

I don’t know whether I should follow her advice; she didn’t say it but what could she do if I didn’t follow it anyway? However, I also remember that the last time I refuse to follow medical advice, I ended up failing my Trust exams and it will remain with me for the rest of my life.

Oh well.

To look on the bright side… I had a fascinating “lecture” on Freudian terminologies! Id, superego and ego.

In my mind, when she was explaining “superego”, I saw a superhero with a massive ego that would end up destroying him. Hahaha.

PS: Just for the heck of it, the pattern on Alex the Lion’s palm is exactly the shape of Africa, Madagascar included. Hahaha. So cute!!

PPS: On another happy note, I am glad that I started my pain medication in England. My psychiatrist suspects which drug my surgeon thought would be best for me, and it includes taking my blood every other month to check on things. Bleurgh. So often!! My poor blood in weird conditions. And worst, in a vial.

Oh fine, I don’t get very disturbed when I see blood when I accidentally cut myself. I just find it disturbing when it is where it is not supposed to be, like on a slide and in a vial. Though sometimes I get disturbed when it is on a gauze or the plaster, but rarely on sanitary pads. Heck, that must be ridiculous to not get used to!! Though sometimes, in my mind, menses are not blood but… cells with blood in between. Like… bloody mucus. Ladida