February 15, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

While I was arguing my reasons to take a year off to my mother (telling her the actual medical reason was a big no no to me)… I said that even if I do not get a part time job, I would have something that would be in my CV.

I was going to learn another language; French, to be precise.

My mother wasn’t keen on my plans to study Spanish since it wasn’t as widely spoken.

So I got myself a French for Dummies book. I already had the Spanish for Dummies book and I quite liked it. So, why not eh? After all, it had a CD to help the pronunciation.

I have started reading the book… but up to the second chapter, and I stopped.

I registered with a language school near my house, but I have not heard from them and I haven’t asked them for any new development.

I’m not interested.

I can’t bring myself to want to learn a new language when I feel like I’m struggling with the two language I know since I was younger.

My English vocabulary is so limited it is beyond embarrassment. I wonder how did I manage to do a law degree with knowing so few words. How in the world did I get away with it?

And my Malay… huh. Don’t even talk about it. I don’t know how I got an A2 for it. It’s making me question the sanity of applying for a job in the civil service–which my mother is quite intent on me being in.

There was this job listing for UNHCR which required “superior writing abilities”. However, I belatedly realized that the closing date for the application was last September. Late by almost 5 months.

Still, when I told my friends about it, quite a number of them say that I do possess that quality.

Nevertheless, when I asked them why they say so, they stutter (if that is even possible when you’re communicating by typed words) as to how they should answer the question. Most of them change the topic as soon as possible. All of them could not tell why exactly.

They would, of course, refer to this blog.

However, I do know the statistics for this blog. Not very high. One would think an interesting and superior writing blog would have more readers. Plus, I don’t actually see many repeat visitors, so to say that those that refer to my blog do read it would be a lie.

Really, I don’t expect you to be a friend to me; I want the truth. And if you just refer to my blog without an accumulated amount of visits to it… Please don’t use that with me.

I do not want enabling friends. I don’t want friends that say I could write when they know I can’t, but tell me that I could because they’re my friends and that’s what friends do.

I don’t want people peppering the comments for post after post (which people don’t do, thank goodness! Probably comes with the low repeat visitors to my blog) saying what a good writer I am and I should continue.

I continue writing because I want to; because I think I should improve.

But don’t say that my writing is “superior” because I think it is the total opposite of it; it is inferior.

It is something–to quote one of my professors–something that his 7 year old could come up with.

Sadly, the only 7 year old I come across happens to be my cousin who only speaks Malay. Well, she’s improving now, I suppose, what with Maths and Science being taught in English.

Also, the said 7 year old that my professor refers to will definitely be English. And since I only came across 17 year old English… It’s hard to predict how a 7 year old would be able to come up with.

But I am guessing, it would be the same par as what I write, don’t you think?

And to dream that I could be a writer… Hah!!

I’m not so egoistical as to believe that it is possible!!

I doubt I’ve read enough books. So, now, I’m going to concentrate on reading classics. Literature pieces.

Hopefully, my mother would be ameanable to providing me with the money to get more books, though it’ll be quite some time before I finish my supply of those kind of books.

Maybe I should go back to reading the dictionary.

Isn’t it scary that you only use a quarter of your vocabulary in your day to day lives?

No wonder Stephenie Meyer used the same words again and again in her Twilight saga.

Not meant as an insult, please.

More like… ohh… Now I understand why that happened…

You know?

Oh, and please, I’m not looking for sympathy here. Don’t go spilling the comment section with comments saying what a wonderful writer I am and so on. Statistics do tell their story, and especially when you know the methodology used to collect the numbers. I do trust those things even though my maths is crap.

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