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Academics

I’m shit scared of them.

Even my really sweet, soft spoken tutor whom I used as a referee when I was applying to Queen’s Belfast.

I have no problems during tutorials, but when I see them afterwards for any questions or whatsoever… I get scared.

I was shit scared when I was walking to the Law School today, when I was going to pass my thank you gifts to them. Was so bloody relieved that none of them were in their room, but at the same time panicky that I wouldn’t be able to see two of them that I would like to ask to be my referee. I don’t know how to put it in words, to explain why I have been keeping quiet. But at the same time, I don’t want to bother them unless I need them. Feel bad for not contacting them and wanting to update them. What the hell… I don’t know what is wrong with me; why I have such complicated feelings towards academics.

You would think having a mother who’s an academic and see them at a social level would make me feel comfortable with them, but noooo!!! I feel awkward and don’t want to bother them at all.

But at the same time, I feel guilty for just going up to them and ask for a favour just like that.

Oh, I don’t know. Sigh. Oh well…

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Categories: Narcissistic, Ramblings
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